YLMatt

2010-08-24T09:06:00.003-04:00

I was looking through my notebook last night when I got home from giving my campaigners because it felt like it had been forever since I’d done that. Partly because we have had so many leaders, but mostly because I’ve had to go to class most Mondays for the last year, but the last time I was leading discussion was March 1^st. Honestly it felt like it had been longer. I was nervous for the first time in years about the questions I was going to ask and the direction I was leading things. Afterward I asked my team about it, and with the exception of one “terrible” which I think was mostly in jest everyone thought it was ok. However it was for the people listening the material I shared has meant so much to me in the past and this summer especially.

I have been reading “The Diary of Anne Frank” for a couple months now and it has been great, even overwhelming at times. For one thing she’s a 13 year old girl that’s not going to school during her time in hiding (from 13-15) and she’s a significantly better writer than I am, for that matter most people. She has a way of saying the things you can feel but can’t put into words. She can, and regularly does articulate the most complex feelings of life in simple easy to understand phrases and paragraphs. Last night at campaigners I used something she wrote in one of her first entries; about two weeks before her family went into hiding.

“I haven’t written for a few day, because I wanted first of all to think about my diary. It’s an odd idea for someone like me to keep a diary; not only because I have never done so before, but because it seems to me that neither I – nor for that matter anyone else – will be interested in the unbosomings of a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl. Still what does that matter? I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart.

There is a saying that “paper is more patient than man”; it came back to me on one of my slightly melancholy days, while I sat chin in hand, feeling to bored and limp even to make up my mind whether to go out or stay at home. Yes, there is no doubt that paper is patient and as I don’t intend to show this cardboard-covered notebook, bearing the proud name of ‘diary,’ to anyone, unless I find a real friend, boy or girl, probably nobody cares.

And now I come to the root of the matter, the reason for my starting a diary: it is that I have no such real friend.

Let me put it more clearly, since no one will believe that a girl of thirteen feels herself quite alone in the world, nor is it so. I have darling parents and a sister of sixteen. I know about thirty people whom one might call friends – I have strings of boy friends, anxious to catch a glimpse of me and who, failing that, peep at me through mirrors in class. I have relations, aunts and uncles, who are darlings too, a good home, no – I don’t seem to lack anything. But it’s the same with all my friends, just fun and joking, nothing more. I can never bring myself to talk of anything outside the common round. We don’t seem to be able to get any closer, that is the root of the trouble.” ~ Anne Frank June 20, 1942

I have thought this summer about how many people feel exactly like that and are either not be able to understand that feeling or not be able to communicate it so well as this. I know I have felt that way at times in my life. The thing I wanted to communicate to my friends at campaigners was that as Christians we have an opportunity to be those friends with which people can bring out and share the things “buried deep” in their hearts. I mean yesterday I wanted to encourage some high school kids to be like that, but the feeling I’ve had thinking through her diary is that all of us should try to be more like that. It’s a well worn point that we were made to be in relationships, but for a variety of reasons it seems difficult to get past the “common round” with people and really share life. It just easier to talk about the 1^st place Reds or watch a movie or participate in some activity where the focus is the thing you’re doing not the people you’re with.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with family the last few months, more than usual because my grandma has been in the hospital with a variety of health problems. Essentially she’s just old and her body is worn out. It looks like this week we’ll be moving her to a hospice facility. Honestly, I feel like most of the family has pretty well come to terms with things. I mean, she’s a faithful lady coming to the end of a good long life. I will say it is sad, not really because she’s dying, because for her it will be “far better to depart and be with Christ,” but because we will miss her. It hard now even- on the days when she’s not herself, seeing the shell of the person you love. It has been a hard season for the family, but for my relationships with them it has been good. At least one night a week now I’ll have dinner with my dad and my uncle sometimes too, and talk about how things are going for them. Conversation usually starts being related to their mom, but almost always moves to the rest of life (and then back to the Reds). The thing that kills me is watching some of my family struggle with my grandma’s situation because they believe this is the end of her life, that there is nothing coming next. No wonder their grief is so much more, no wonder the situation seems so much more desperate to them. I think all I can do is have compassion for them, and love them, and given the opportunity share the truth, but it is hard to watch.

One last thing I want to share; I was sitting with my dad a few nights ago on his back porch just hanging out and he reminded me that he wanted to borrow Band of Brothers from me. He said “It’s nice to have stuff like that around for a rainy day.” I told him given the opportunity I’d probably just sit on his back porch all day smelling the rain come down, watching things turn greener, listening to the drops of water falling off the edge of the gutter into the mulch. He said “I have…many days.” I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t envy him a little bit in that moment.

2010-03-07T22:45:00.003-05:00

Well I guess it's just one of those things I go through every so often; I've officially started working out again after recovering from the ankle injury. I started again on Thursday, and already I have discovered so many other people trying to get in shape to run in the Piglet (half Pig) I think I'm going to join in. It's one of the funnest road races I've ever been a part of anyways, and with so many of my friends participating together it should be a blast again this year. Unfortunately for now it means going running, every day, which sucks. People say that runners have a love/hate relationship with the sport, and nothing could be truer. I've never even been a good runner, but even I can tell you the days when you run and you just "have it" are worth putting up with so many days like today where I don't have it at all. I went out with a buddy who's already in shape today, and it was just embarrassing. We ran SLOW and I was dying and he was just chatting it up wondering why I was struggling so much. In spite of his jokes it is really encouraging to run next to someone. There's just something about not doing it by yourself that makes it easier to get up the next hill or stay focused on the finish line. Alas in running as in life. So for now, I suck again, but with some training, and the help of some friends, by the Pig I'll be ready to go. Good luck to everyone else who is participating!

Johnny Law

2010-02-04T16:16:00.003-05:00

This morning I got pulled over on my way to work driving through New Richmond, Ohio at about 6:33 AM. When the cop approached my window and asked if I knew why he pulled me over I honestly said that I did not. He informed me that while driving at 4 MPH over the 50 MPH speed limit he saw me in my car by the light of a street lamp not wearing my safety belt. It's important to know that I was wearing a black coat and have a black seat belt which I was in fact wearing. he gave me the choice between a speeding ticket or a seat belt ticket, I choose neither and got the latter. AND he called me "son" and informed me he was helping me out. He also informed me that a lot of deer like to run out in the road and it is "very dangerous to be driving so fast." Bottom line = $68 and I missed my 6:45 meeting almost entirely. As a side note my boss was driving next to me when it happened to his joy and my chagrin. I love working till lunch for free, but I hate everything related to automobiles.

The Big Easy

2009-12-29T12:06:00.003-05:00

Well, today is the day before the day I leave for New Orleans, and the day before the day before the day I'll arrive in New Orleans. I can only begin to describe how excited I am. For starters I am going to be staying in a really nice hotel in the French Quarter about half a block from Bourbon Street...did I mention we arrive on New Years Eve. Aside from the obvious excitement associated with being in that environment there's the primary focus of the trip; Our Cincinnati Bearcats are playing in the BCS Sugar Bowl against the vaunted Florida Gators. For a variety of reasons this game is going to be awesome. Some major highlights are that its a great chance to win against a school way more credible than say Oregon, or watching the greatest College player in history playing in the last game of his career, or watching one of the best coaches of a generation coach in what could be his last game, or maybe Mardy Gilyard showing everyone why he was a legitimate Heisman candidate even though he was totally under the radar. I don't know what's going to happen yet, I have to think Florida has a significant advantage at almost every position. They are faster, they have more experience on the big stage, they have played better competition this year, they certainly have a more interested coaching, and maybe the biggest edge for them is the before mentioned Tim Tebow. In spite of all that I think UC does have a chance, as Brian Kelly said once "We can't match up with them every week, but we don't have to. We only have to match up with them one week, and we can do that." Hopefully we can make it happen in the Big Easy...

For now I am going to finish today at work, pack things up tonight so I'm ready, go snow tubing tonight, work again tomorrow, and then I'm off on a wild adventure.

Avatar

2009-12-21T07:36:00.005-05:00

I went to see Avatar with some friends of mine the other night, and for those of you who haven't seen it yet, I thought it was amazing. It has been criticized for lacking a compelling plot or engaging dialog, but I really liked it. The special effects where amazing, although, I think the 3D experience made one of the people that came with us really sick. The general story behind the movie is that this corporation is working collaboratively with the military to mine a precious energy resource from a planet called Pandora. The difficulty is that this resource is most concentrated directly under the spiritual epicenter of the indigenous people of Pandora. As part of a plan to relocate the civilization the government has created living bodies of the Navi` race that can be controlled by a link system to a human mind that has a matching nervous system. That's where Jake Sully, a former marine whose been paralyzed from the waist down comes into play. Apparently an Avatar was made from his twin brothers DNA, but his brother was killed so the only person the Avatar could work for is Jake; something to do with the similarities in their nervous system... From that point forward Jake is given the opportunity to reinvent who he is in a new body and a new world. In the beginning he can barely walk, doesn't speak a word of the native language, and doesn't know anything about the environment of his new world, but over time he starts to get the hang of it. Ultimately he is faced with a lot of choices between going forward with his potential new life or continuing with his old life. Maybe it's cheesy, but this is where I saw a lot of parallels to my own life. For example I'm secretly 10' tall and blue...

The storyline really reminded me of a verse in Corinthians "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." In Christ I have the opportunity to be something better than what I was. I have the opportunity to be more than I could ever be by myself. In the movie Jake is paralyzed, but is that really very different from the way we are without Christ. I mean I could walk, but could I love (maybe this is too much, but I think I would rather know love than be able to walk)? The really interesting thing is that for Jake to have his new life he has to make choices that alienate people in his old life, he has to go against his own loyalties and convictions for something he is convinced is better. I think that's a lot of what walking with Christ looks like for me; I see something shiny that I want and have to make choices about what my deepest desire is. I think Peter sums it up pretty well when he says

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~ 2 Peter 1:5-8

The point is to make choices consistently that mold you into being more like Christ. A huge part of this is just being disciplined in doing things I don't necessarily want to do for long enough until they become habits I can't function without doing. I remember when I was a kid I used to hate brushing my teeth. I don't know why, I can't explain it, I just hated it, but now I can hardly make it from one meal to the next without doing it (I'm a little fanatical). I just really like how it feels and how it tastes and...the point being for a while I think I just brushed my teeth because its what you are supposed to do, but then it became part of what I want to do. I think spiritual things are like that.

Basically go see Avatar, James Cameron hits this one out of the park!

The Ankle

2009-11-23T22:51:00.006-05:00

So It's not pretty, but it's mostly functional. I have a definate limp, and going down stairs is pretty awful, but other than that it's just really tight and stiff. I will say that I totally undervalue walking most of the time...

Fall Weekend

2009-11-22T20:26:00.003-05:00

Today I came home from fall weekend. This year we went to Camp Kern in Orgonia with 3 guys and 8 girls. Most of them have been coming around long enough to have all been to either camp, fall weekend or both before, but as we stopped having club for the rest of semester for lack of vision among our group we thought this would be a really good opportunity to re-inspire a desire for Young Life to be a tool for sharing Christ.

The weekend started with Wyoming's win in the quarter finals of the State Football Playoffs. That makes them regional champs! It was a great game that Wyoming really dominated expect for poor clock management and turnovers in the red zone. I think the school they played might have had 150 yards of total offense in the game, and their only scoring drive had a huge freak play. Ultimately the better team won, which, yea for us, was Wyo. They next play on Friday night a Dayton's Welcome Stadium (worst field name in all of sports...possibly). The Stadium was/is really awesome though. There is a ton of parking and the field is really nice. The only drawback is that the stands are somewhat distant from the field because of a track, and if it's the same announcer as last week he sounds like he's calling a pirates game on a 110 degree day in august. It was a lot of fun being at the game Friday in part because as they get further in the playoffs a ton of graduates are coming back to see the games and I've had the opportunity to catch up with a lot of them. I think in their eyes being there still in a way adds credibility to the time I spent with them when they were in high school. So the football game ended at about 10PM in Dayton. We left ASAP and arrived about 10 minutes before club started (perfect).

For me it was sort of added fun because the speaker was a guy named Randy Nickels (spelling?) who was the guy who spoke at Champion when I was on Work Crew. Since then he has been running all over the world (Africa & Scotland) starting Young Life and sharing Christ with communities there. He was a pretty good speaker as far as speakers go. he didn't use and illustration really, but I still thought that his presentation of the gospel was clear and understandable. I felt like talking with kids about stuff (granted we took Christians) was easy and productive for their faith and fellowship as well and their vision for what Young Life could be if they wanted to invest in it. I guess like anything else though it's easy to be excited about things while they are happening and hard to follow through went the payoff is far away. All in all though, I felt good about the way things went. Maybe the focal point of the weekend, or at least the part I will most remember happened Saturday afternoon while all the guys were playing soccer. I jumped up in the air and came down wrong on my left ankle. I sprained it pretty badly and was rolling around writhing in pain for a few minutes (waiting for the hurt to go away). After a couple minutes I had some ice, and I was sitting on the field with my ankle resting on the ice. A group of people were standing around (like people do when someone gets hurt) and out of nowhere this football comes on a line drive right through a gap in the semicircle of people standing over me and blasts me right in the face. I guess these other kids where kicking field goals about 20 yards away and shanked one right at me. At the time, it hurt a lot (amazingly no one laughed) but it was really funny thinking about it now. Unfortunately my ankle is jank and will be for a while. I can walk, but it's not comfy for sure. Hopefully I'll be able to get my boots on tomorrow otherwise I have to go see a doctor...my work is sort of dumb about missing a day.

In spite of getting hurt & sleeping on a sheet of plywood I did have a really great time, and I think it was good for everyone who went. Now I am just looking forward to working a little and eating a lot this week as well as the STATE SEMI FINALS on Friday!

Fall Break

2009-11-11T19:05:00.003-05:00

Tonight I officially washed my hands of my first term at Cincinnati State. I thought I was done last night, but one of my teacher called me tonight to ask for something he lost; I had to do about 12 seconds of work attaching a file to an email and that was that. My grades aren't online until tomorrow, but I unofficially collected 8 credits worth of A's this fall to add to my ever lengthening transcript-and that was just early fall. I am currently registered for 8 credit hours starting on this coming Monday, however there is a strong chance 6 more get added to that pending a pre req exemption from a professor. So 14 credits...Mondays and Wednesdays 6-9 and Thursdays 5-11, and then there's some sort of online class (unknown difficulty). Don't go back you read it correctly, I have class until 11 PM on Thursday nights until early February. With that in mind if you want anything from me on Friday you might be better served waiting a day. I really don't know how that's going to go to be honest. Maybe they're bluffing in the course description and it'll end at 10 every week, maybe it'll be like this quarter and run over a half hour some weeks and end really early others, maybe it'll snow a foot and get cancelled, or snow a foot and meet anyways; I'll just have to wait and see. As far as school is concerned I like it better than anything I ever did at UC. Not only do I see a finish line with an actual job in mind for the first time ever, but Nati State is actually a better run school. It's as if the people there actually want me to succeed, not just at school, but in life. They want me to do well. So being there until after bedtime might not be so better under those circumstances.

At this point you might be saying to yourself, "Self, when is he going to hang out with high school kids?...when is he going to hang out with me?" Well it's not as bad as it sounds. I have some down time at work sometimes where I'm surrounded by engineers who also have occasional down time. Hopefully I'll be able to get a good chunk of whatever hw I have done there. Additionally I still have Tuesday nights and the weekend free to do whatever. I am just going to have to be disciplined with my spare time and actually be productive when I need to get something done. The other super perk I have is that when I get home at 11:30 I won't have to worry about finding dinner because momma will already have something for me. I don't even care if that makes me lame. Oh, as an added bonus, should I wake up late one day I don't have to go to work because they won't let me in if I'm even 1 minute late. In that case I'll have even more time to hang out.

I am praying now this week that the end result of all this business will be increased faithfulness by me. I'm not kidding myself too much here, I know it's going to be rough, but I also know when things are hard for me it makes me more faithful. For one thing I'll have less time to be an idiot. My buddy Joe is preparing a talk on the person of Paul and it got me thinking, he doesn't strike me as a guy who just hung out a lot. I think solitude and down time are important, but maybe not to the extent I am generally accustomed too. having a lot to do is conducive to living life with a sense of urgency, the key is to focus that urgency on Christ. I hope that I will become more dependant on His work and His presence this quarter, especially during the holiday season when I have such an increased opportunity to witness to my family. If you feel like praying for me pray for these things; rest, intelligence, opportunities with friends/family and incite into those opportunities, and faithfulness to what He has called me too.

Stink

2009-10-26T18:16:00.003-04:00

Tonight I have to be in class INSTEAD of going to Young Life. The truely unfortunate part is that for the next 45ish minutes we are going to go over a quiz that I got a 106% on. After that we may or may not go over some material that I need to be here to learn, I don't know which yet. Which brings me to my point, STINK! I would much rather be listening to Alli (spelling?) talking about Jesus than Steve talking about analyzing series parallel circuits. I guess for now faithfulness means doing the thing you don't want to do in the short term so that you can get the things you want in the long term. I thought in the meantime it might be good to update my blog that I so rarely find time to post on.

I have been stuck in Philippians lately. I think it might be my favorite epistle. There are so many things that come out to me in this letter. When I read it I tend to think of Paul as this legendary guy who I could never live up to or be like, and yet somehow the call to Paul is the same call on me; "Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ" (I love how he starts with only). The big challenge in this for me right now is to be encouraging to the people around me. I don't say challenge in the difficult sense, though sometimes it is, but in the this is the field this calling gets played out for me on sense. Paul starts his letter as with many others by saying "Grace and Peace to you" which I think can often times come in the form of encouragement. After all Paul is constantly encouraging people on to faith. So that's what's rolling around in my head.

And now I need to pay attention for a little bit. And possibly leave...

Dulce Venganza

2009-09-11T16:24:00.003-04:00

This year I have been watching Hard Knocks and it's made me exceptionally excited about the Bengals this season. Do I think they can make the playoffs? It's possible. I can deffinately see them winning 9 or 10 games. If that's enough for the wild card they'll get in. The division is a wrap for the Steelers already. Their D looked way tough last night. Unexpectedly I am becoming a huge Ocho Cinco fan again. I used to love him, then I didn't like him and thought he might go, and now I'm back. He is the funniest player in the league and looks like he might have the talent to back it up. I started following him on twitter (I just got it this week), and already he is cracking me up. Today he posted this picture with the comment "Let the fun begin." I think he is going to play really well this year because of the constant attention he is getting on Hard Knocks and just in general being more in the spotlight than ever. Tonight I am going to try to catch the end of Leadership after I get done with laundry here then it's off to Norwood for the Wyo game, then to the Buehler's for the weekend. Tomorrow I and super siked to be going to my first UC saturday game. It's at 7:30 against South West MO State. Should be a blowout! Also tomorrow night OSU is going to lose another game against a ranked non-conference opponent, if it weren't for that Texas game a few years ago it'd be a really long time since they won one of those. I am just wondering at what point int he game the announcers are going to say "boy, this really reminds me of last year when these teams played..."

This just in...game not blocked out Sunday! I'm out.

Wet, Very Wet

2009-07-27T16:20:00.004-04:00

At a power plant things are manufactured to last. It just makes sense to build stuff that is going to hold up over time, especially when not having it working can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars an hour. When things are new everything runs like a dream, like it was designed, and everyone wins. Over time, however, even "industrial strength" components fail. Either from misuse, overuse, or not using it at all equipment breaks down. In a corrosive environment even things made out of the most durable of materials fail; wire insulation gets brittle and cracks off, terminal strips rust away, pipes explode, motors burn up...It's no surprise that these things happen, after all, it's not like people haven't seen it before. The funny thing is that in spite of this awareness everyone is seemingly still caught off guard when things break. With most things, you find out its broken when you need it most, but with other things it's like getting hit by a meteorite while reading your morning paper. Today became just that sort of day when a wire in a "deluge system" shorted out setting off, well, setting off a deluge. Nothing like running up 12 stories of steps in the middle of a "deluge" only to find no signs of a fire (I think that guy's still pissed). Of course you can't turn off the water to go investigate the fire because you might get there and find a fire... Today I got to fix a wire in a dripping coal tower, and all the while I was thinking about how ironic it was that they never thought to replace that wire occasionally considering the abuse it takes. Think 23 years hanging in the open air around hot vibrating equipment, often getting wet and baked in an alternating fashion and never once being replaced. I think I'd snap too.

Afterward (while I was taking our company van to get gas and a car wash) I thought about how my faith is like that. There are aspects of my faith that I set up years ago and think I'll just always have that if I ever need it. So I don't work on it or think about it for a long time until something explodes. Sometimes it's internal, sometimes everyone gets to see, in both cases it involves pain and some dirty cleanup work. Then on top of that there's the temptation to just put a bandaid on it and limp along with things still half broken instead of putting in a little more time and effort now to fix things right. What I think this boils down to for me is consistency, or more accurately inconsistency. Consistantly choosing to work on things, choosing to search things out that might be about to explode and ruin everything. I think this is what David is talking about when he prays "Examine me, O Lord, and try me; test my mind and my heart." It's healthy to get a checkup from the "great physician" even when everything seems fine. For the record, this is not how I roll most of the time. I'm all about waiting for the outward sign of the internal cancer. I think it takes a humility I don't currently have within me to daily go before the Lord in a posture of needy brokeness. More likely I use the Lord like a pez dispencer of grace. I don't do regular maintanence, I just repair the things that are already broken. I to often wait to call on the Lord until I feel like I need Him (I know...I know).

I don't know how this ties in just yet, but I have spent the last week reading and rereading the book of Joel. In it's own agrairian way it's a miniature gospel tucked away at the end of the Old Testament. Here are some exscripts...

1:6-7 "For a nation has invaded my land, mighty and without number; It's teeth are the teeth of a lion, and it has the fangs of a lioness. It has made my vine a waste and my fig tree splinters. It has stripped them bare and cast them away; their branches have become white."

2:11-13 "The Lord utters His voice before His army; Surely His camp is very great, for strong is he who carries out His word. The day of the Lord is indeed great and very awesome, and who can edure it? "Yet even now," declares the Lord, "Return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; And rend your heart and not your garments." Now retuyrn to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness and relenting of evil."

2:25 "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent amoung you."

2:28 "It will come about after this that I will pour out My spirit on all mankind."

2:32 "And it will come about that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be delivered..."

I started to think of the different kinds of locusts as the different kinds and consequential effects of sin in my life. Ultimately these took away a great deal of my life, and if allowed would come and do it again. The "very awesome" part of the story is that God not only takes away my yoke of slavery to sin and restores me to health, but He also "pays me back for the years lost." I guess what I have been awed by these last few days is the redemptive depth of God's power and grace, and how it fits with my own irregularity, my own inconsistency. I think there are some aspects of God's work in our lives that are easier to point to than others; Several times He lists qualities in scripture that we should grow in over time, but some are more hidden. One I have found recently is that walking with the Lord over time is making me more consistent, more dependable, more reliable. I'm not saying I don't have a long way to go, but these are qualities He has and as we walk with Him, it's Him we become like. When we look at Christ we see ourselves more accurately.

Softball

2009-07-14T18:33:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I put together a team last minute to play in the Denny Buehler Memorial Softball Tournament. It's a benefit co-ed tournament played at Spoils Field in Green Hills; this year there were 14 teams. The two great things that happened were one, that we were able to get a team together, and two, that no matter how awful your team is your guaranteed two games. Of course my team lost our first two games making a hasty exit from the bracket, but in spite of being run ruled I think everyone had a really great time playing. It's just a wierd atmosphere were winning isn't so important (this is very easy for losers to say) as showing up and being part of the community. Almost everyone who comes understands pretty quickly that its a lot more about having a good time and raising money for a good cause than it is about winning. I think that's why you see a lot of people sticking around Saterday after they're out and even coming back Sunday. Most of the teams that participate are many time alumni of the tournament, and it seems like everyone knows everyone. I've only been coming around for a few years and I already feel like I know a lot of people. Now that it's a little less daunting I am planning on organizing a team to play every year.

This year for me maybe the best time I had was late Saterday night after all the games for the day where over. Lot's of people are left drinking beer and haning out, and a few of us were going around picking up empty cups and stuff when I looked out on the field and saw Peg and a bunch of kids running around with a tennis ball and a wiffle bat. I realize now that this group of 8-10 kids had just hung out all day and watched their parents play a game they couldn't. Now it was thier turn. So Ed, one of his cousins, and I dropped our stuff and went out and played a little 3 inning game with them. It was awesome because all of them could hit the ball somewhat if you pitched it to them enough times, then Ed, Cousin, Peg and I would just chase them around the bases making errors and letting them score. Eventually we would get the old kids out and then it would be our turn to bat. Our general policy was run until you score or you're out with a couple exceptions. I don't know at what age your priority becomes hitting and not playing the field, but these kids weren't that old yet because I think they had just as much fun chasing us as being chased. In the end everyone was a champion.

For more on the tournament visit here.

Camp

2009-06-23T13:23:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow I leave for Young Life Camp for the first time since 2006. Last night I was packing, and I realized that it really had been a few years since I had to get all this stuff together. I don't know if this is actually true, but I feel like as a leader, I should have everything. I mean there are costumes, garbage bags, duct tape, sunscreen, snacks, cards, and extra stuff for people who don't have stuff. I think I am mostly together, but we'll see. I still need to find some swim trunks. I think I have about 10 pairs, but can't find any.

Practically, I want to ask for prayer for the week. Pray for kids; Joe, Eric, Jake, Matt, Dillon, and Antwione, and pray for me; that I stay out of God's way and represent Him as well as I can. Camp is such a great opportunity for people to hear the Truth of Christ and feel the power of His love in their lives apart from the everyday distractions of life at home. About 7 years and a week ago I gave my life to Christ at a Young Life Camp in Michigan, and for me it has made all the difference. We will be sharing a cabin with Princeton, I don't know to much about their group, but pray that everyone gets along well for the week. Thanks for all of your support this week. ~ 1 Cor 15:58...

Hooker

2009-06-14T15:55:00.005-04:00

Some of you may already have heard this story, for those of you who have not, it may be my #1 story from all of my time living in Clifton. A week or two ago I went to Joe Decker's Graduation Ceremony. After the ceremony ended I had to run home to change, grab my stuff for my team meeting and softball, and head back up to the Decker's for a reception of sorts before my team meeting. On my way home I got stopped at the traffic light on the corner of Marshall and Central Parkway. It was a nice day so I had my windows down (a fateful decision). While waiting at the light a woman ~ 30ish approached my car wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt.

Woman- "Hey, can you give me a ride up the hill?"

Me- "Sure hop in, just let me move some stuff out of the way." (As I move the stuff out of my front seat.)

Woman- "Can you roll the windows up?" (As the light changes and we start driving up the hill)

Me- "Sure"

Woman- (Very intentionally) "So how do I know you're not a cop?"

*At this point I realized what was happening*

Me- (Very accusing) "How do I know you're not a cop?"

Woman- "How old are you anyways?"

Me- "23"

Woman- "So what's up?"

Me- "Just on my way home from graduation."

Woman- "Congratulations"

Me- "It wasn't my graduation."

Woman- (Almost wiggling/writhing in her seat) "So you want to have some fun or what?"

Me- (Almost laughing) "No!"

Woman- (Very indignant) "Well, Why'd you pick me up then."

Me- (Shocked) "You asked me for a ride, I was giving you a ride!"

Woman- (huffing and puffing and ughing)

Me- "Well, that's as far as I'm going...get out of my car."

After that she got out of my car significantly upset by how things unfolded. Since then I have wondered if I will see her again slinking along the sides of the street somewhere. While looking for her I have realized I am now forever prejudiced against any girl that happens to be walking along that corner wearing anything that looks even remotely skanky. THEY ARE ALL WHORES is what I think to myself.

I have given people a short ride probably 10 times in or around Clifton. Honestly I don't think I've ever turned anyone down. One time I got to give a guy a Bible and invite him to the Vineyard. His name was Obate, he was a refugee from Rwanda seeking asylum in the US. Most of the people I don't have any cool stories about, I don't even remember most of there names. I don't know how this would be interpreted, but doesn't the Bible say a lot about helping the man who asks. I won't just give people money, but I will buy someone a meal, or a gallon of gas, or some groceries, or give them a ride a couple miles. This time I drove a crack whore half a mile, who knows what may happen next time.

I think it is also important to note the ripples this encounter has created in a few other areas in my life. It has highlighted for me a passage; 1 Corinthians 1:18 "For the word of God is foolishness tot hose who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." It's amazing to me how polarized people are when it comes to giving time, money, rides ect. There are a host of people in my life who ask me "why would you ever want to do that" anytime I freely give something of mine away; that's just foolishness... There is another group of people who see it as the power of God working in my life for the benefit of others. In the middle is a group of people who I think experience a sort of internal friction when they see or hear about something like that. I think when outsiders see Christians actually living it out they sometimes feel a sense that they too were created to be part of something bigger.

I asked my Dad this (he thought I was dumb for giving anyone a ride) and it made me think to myself how I should be asking myself the same thing more often. If I claim to be a Christian, shouldn't I have a bunch of stories like this one; encounters with people that are living broken lives?

You Found Me

2009-02-13T21:46:00.002-05:00

I've seen some pretty cool things lately. I feel like all I have done is work, but outside of that it really seems like God is after some people surrounding me. I have been doing this Bible study with some HS guys on Wednesday nights. Basically we are reading through John a couple chapters per week. It's primarily Joe and I every week, then some other friends of Joe's sort of come and go. Some of these guys I've known for a long time, some of them I meet when I show up. The crazy thing is I feel like there has been some consistency from not only Joe, but also some of his friends. In general the kids have been reading the material beforehand, which is crazy! I love it for a few reasons which I will make into a list, because I like lists.

1.) All I have to do is read and show up.

2.) It's at chipotle and its just fun to have some built in time just hanging out with guys and eating food every week.

3.) The kids have been reading, and wouldn't you know it the Bible seems to have something to say to them.

4.) My boy Joe is seeing what it's like to invest in his friends and see fruit from it.

5.) Honestly some of the things the guys share are genuinely awesome incites.

So I love this thing, it's like the brightest part of the bright spot for me right now. It seems like a silly thing to say (or a really obvious thing to say), but I don't feel like I have to try so hard at this. My approach is that I know Joe will be there every week, and if it's just him, great we can hang out; but every week some other guys end up coming having read and thought through the stuff a little bit. I don't prepare anything besides taking notes like I would for my quiet times, but to be honest I haven't really been reading anything besides the stuff in John and some Psalms. I just come and see what God is going to do every week, and I love it. I think it was Theresa who said something like "relax in the ministry" to me or our team or something this semester. That has never been my approach though. I always try to do "to much." I always try to be Jesus for people. I know I'm not, but still, I'm an idiot. I think I am starting to look at being used by God differently. It doesn't necessarily mean personally manifesting what I think God should be doing for the people around me, it means something more along the lines of trying to be in a good position so that if God wants to manifest something with His power through my life I am available and aware. It's a complicated idea that I don't really understand yet so good luck with this... Let me try an analogy (this is in part stolen from a certain Mr. Young).

Haggai 2:23 "My servant, declares the LORD, I will make you like a signet ring, for I have chosen you," declares the Lord of hosts."

I think when I am walking with Christ He is changing and arranging things in my life so that I am more like Him. This applies to everything, but some of the big ones I am noticing lately are my heart (the things I want or desire), my ministry, and my personality. So Christ moulds them, like a ring. A signet ring is the ring an emissary or king would use to make an impression upon wax that was poured to seal an envelope. This would signify that the document was from the person to whom the ring belonged. If Christ is making me into a Signet ring, I think it could me that He is moulding me so that when He uses me somewhere, it leaves His mark on the place/person/transformers movie... So here's my analogy; It's not so much my job to do the stamping just to hold the shape He moulds me into as best I can and be available so that when He wants to do some stamping He can. Maybe this is cheap and lame, but I like the imagery and it's my blog.

Windows to Heaven

2009-02-01T17:33:00.003-05:00

Saturday night James and I had some kids over to the Buehler's (I'm house sitting while they ski in Utah) to hang out and play some Killer Bunnies and the Journey to Jupiter. Some people wanted to get some Chipotle so we headed up to the one in Finneytown. I was standing in line next to a guy who knew, but I couldn't place where or how exactly. Finally I said that I remembered him from somewhere, but didn't know from where. He said "Well I know who you are. Your name is Matt right?"

I still didn't know how I knew him until he said "When I was a freshman at Mt. Healthy high school I played basketball and you came to every game. You were the only one who supported us and we were horrible. I thought you were my only friend in the world."

It was like getting punched in the gut. That was the first semester I was leading. I remember one of the things someone said in NLT was that its a good idea to pick a sport and then go to every game, so I did. They won 3 games that season. I thought it was totally wasted time honestly. I never got to hang out with any of those kids even once. I never saw any of them come to Christ, or do anything like that. We closed down Young Life their junior year at which time one of the kids was in juvie. We say in Young Life that you never know the impact you make. To be honest I never bought into that much, at least I never fully believed it, but here was a case where exactly that happened. It was crazy!

We didn't talk about anything faith related. He told me he was at ITT Tech working on a Computer Drafting program. He is doing a co-op next semester. This conversation was a gift to me I think. It gave me a fresh faith to do contact work and spend time investing in kids even when I think they don't notice. Thinking about it later I realized again that god is faithful even when I am not.

After we got our food he left and we stayed. I'll probably never see him again, but that wasn't the end of this story. Maybe the best part was still about to happen. Joe, one of my guys, is a senior at CCS and wants to lead next year when he goes to UC. He saw this whole conversation unfold and thought it was sort of creepy and awkward. He asked me about it, and I saw a great opportunity to give something away. I got to talk with Joe about contact work and what leading Young Life is about, and most importantly about the faithfulness of God. It was one of my best moments as a leader.

I think its interesting that this whole set of interactions had nothing to do with me and everything to do with God really. I was focused on getting some burrito, and God was orchestrating something amazing in my life and in Joe's.

Hidden Gem

2009-01-27T20:22:00.003-05:00

I have been reading in most of my spare time preparing for this paper I have to write this quater for a class called comparative literature. Basically the assignment is to compare types, sytles, genres, ages, whatever of written language. There are a few guidelines, but none of them matter to me because they're things like it has to be the english language or work not your own... So I have been reading... I found some really cool things, but tonight I found this and just had to post it:

"Don Malarkey, age 22, E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment:

As the battalion proceeded toward the causeway that we were to take, we had not gone more than five or six hundred yards when machine-gun fire started breaking out and the column halted. Colonel Bob Strayer, the battalion commander, ordered E Company to mkae an attack on the position. I believe there were twelve of us, led by Lieutenant Dick Winters from Pennsylvania, the platoon leader, and Lieutenant Buck Compton from Los Angeles, the assistant platoon leader.

We went through an aorchard area to approach the position, and when we were very close by, Lieutenant Winters stopped us all and had us line up along the hedgerow looking into the position, which incorporated and emplacement of four German 88s. We all lined up and placed withering fire into the position with all our weapons, prior to making an assualt.

Buck Compton went first, and as he dropped into the entrenchment he saw a German standing about fifteen feet from him. He drew his tommy gun and fired, but the gun jammed. In the meantime, the German ran away down the trench. Compton turned and waved us all across and we proceeded toward the first gun. Robert "Popeye" Wynn, from Virginia, was with me and got hit halfway across.

As I neared the gun I could see the crew of a German 88 firing straight down the field. They couldn't traverse on us, but they were firing at whatever enemy forces they might hit in that vicinity. I pulled a grenade and threw it, but the two gunmen were already hit either by Buck Compton or by Lieutenant Winters. Both of them, I think, fired simultaneously.

When I got there one of the crew was lying dead under the gun and the other had run out into the field about fifty yards before he went down. I could see that he had a case on his hip, which I thought was a German Luger. I thought, Well, I'd better go and get that gun, so i ran out on the field, and as I knelt down Lieutenant Winters saw me and started yelling at me tha I was stupid and should get the hell out of there as the place was crawling with Germans.

Across the main hedgerow, toward the family farm of Brecort, the whole road was lined with German infantry with machine guns. They apparently thought I was a medic, because they didn't fire at me when i was going out to where the german lay. But when Winters yelled and I jumped up and started running back, four or five machine guns started firing at me and the bullets were kicking up the ground all around me.

I dove under the gun, which was dug in below the surface of the ground about eighteen inches. I lay there, face up, as they kept firing in the gun and fragments of bullets dropped into my face. I finally turned over to keep that from happening and the kept intermittently.

I was stuck until Bill Guarnere, my sergeant, got along the hedgerow to about five or six feet away from me. He said, "We'll time their bursts." So he started timing the bursts of the machine-gun fire that came in and he said, "OK, as soon as you hear the next burst, jump up and run to me." I did that, and i got out of there without being hit.

From then on, we fought there through a good part of the day and eventually captured three of the gunners."

This passage comes from a book called "The Oral History of D-Day" that is made of of several hundred first hand accounts like this one. Some of the stories are millitary reports, some are from letters home, others are stories by journalists along for the ride, but every angle gets its spot; Germans, Americans, Brits, French, and everything else. So far I like it a lot, but how nuts is it that this passage is in the book.

Unrequited Devotion

2009-01-11T22:38:00.003-05:00

Elizabeth Elliot tells of a conversation she had with Gladys Aylward, missionary to China:

"She had been a missionary in China for 6 or 7 years before she ever thought of wanting a husband. When a Brittish couple canme to work near her, she began to watch the wonderful thing they had in marriage, and to desire it for herself. Being a woman of prayer she prayed-a straightforward request that God would send a man from England, send him straight out to China, and have him propose. She leaned toward me on the sofa on which we were sitting, her black eyes snapping, her boney little forefinger jabbing at my face. "Elizabeth," she said, "I believe God answers prayer! He called him." Then, in a whisper of keen intensity, "but he never came.""

New Job!

2009-01-10T16:30:00.005-05:00

I am watching the playoffs today, and I can't help but thinking that the Bengals will never be here. They squeeked out 4 wins this year, just enough to stave off major organizational changes that need to happen. I hate Mike Brown, I hope he leaves the city.

Thursday I had an interview for a postion as an electrician for a company called ICS Electric. They do a different kind of electric than BizCom that is much more involved on the technical end of things. Think of it like this; BizCom primarily puts in lights, switches, outlets, phone lines, internet, security, and other wire running applications, ICS is a more industrial company. They do things like build big switch gear, install temperature and pressure gauges in factories or power plants, design computer management software for the sensors, and various other systems. The cool thing about the interview was that the owner really projected the company as a place to make an investment as an employee long term, and in turn be well rewarded for that investment. From what I could tell it sounds like a good job doing something I will like learning and doing so I'm taking the job. I start on the 19. If you care (which you don't) they have a pretty thorough website. http://www.icselectricalservices.com/index.htm

Following my interview I had to go take a phyical and drug screening before I could start. It was to late in the day thursday so I went yesterday. Before I left the interview I specifically asked if I needed to make an appointment at the office. They said no, but I wasn't really surprised when I showed up Friday and they asked if I had an appointment. I didn't so I got to wait around for an hour before they had time for me. I have never had a physical this thorough before. They took blood, the did strength tests on most of my major joints, pushed on my belly (I have no idea what this checks), checked a bunch of reflex spots, tested my vision and hearing, body fat (17%), and of course checked the old hurnias. All in all I felt pretty examined when I was done. Before they did the physical they had me pee in a cup. I didn't think that would be to much of a big deal, but they do all kinds of things I didn't expect. For starters they put you in this bathroom that only has a curtain. Secondly they have the top of the water tank on the back of the toilet taped shut, and they squirt blue dawn dishsoap in the water so you can cheat and steal some of the water from the toilet for your sample. Then after that they take the temperature of your urine to make sre that it was actually in your body (more on this later). They put it in 3 bottles all of which they show you are sealed before they fill them, and then you have to initial all of them as evidence that nothing was tampered with.

After my physical the nurse lady told me that she forgot to take the temperature of my sample, and that I had to produce more urine. Who can really pee twice in a half hour? so I had to wait around drinking water until I could pee again. I got to the office at 1:30 I left at 4:50. It was aweful. That said, pending the results of my drug screening (fingers crossed), I have a new job. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing really. I guess if there is a downside its going to be the first 8 weeks. Apparently the whole company is starting this ne wproject at a power plant somewhere on the Ohio that will require everyone to work 6 10 hour days a week. He said the Saterdays where really mandatory, but that almost everyone works because its so much extra money. I don't know how all that's going to play out yet with leading and my class, but it seems silly to me not to take a job I could see myself at for a long time because the first 8 weeks will be tough.

Concrete-ice

2009-01-08T09:58:00.003-05:00

I drive somewhere almost everyday. I don't mean I ride somewhere everyday, but that I actually drive my car. I would guess in the last year that's true of 360 days. Yesterday though, I did not drive anywhere. This is only important because when I woke up this morning and decided to go somewhere the icey snow stuff on my car was not just the regular it snowed a little last night consistency. It had hardened into something else. Apparently if you leave snow on your car for a couple days it changes it from snow to military grade concrete-ice. I think it happens because its on there, and then it warms up in the sun and melts a little bit but not really, then refreezes overnight. Did I mention thawing my car is one of my least favorite things to do? It took extra long today...Moral of this story; either don't live in Ohio, or go somewhere everyday when its cold and percipitaty out.

Streaker

2009-01-07T12:47:00.003-05:00

"at that time the Lord spoke through Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, "Go and loosen the sackcloth from your hips and take your shoes off your feet." And he did so, going naked and barefoot. And the Lord said, "Even as my servant Isaiah has gone naked and barefoot three years as a sign and token..."~Isaiah 20:2-3

Seriously?

The Frey

2009-01-05T16:21:00.006-05:00

I like to start by apologizing for my absence for the past few weeks. I haven't been around a computer to much since James took the laptop home to Hamilton, but now that school has started again things should be back to normal. That, however, might be the only thing back to normal in my life...but I'll have to qualify that with a story of sorts.

The holiday season this year was as good as any I've had in a long time. I got to spend some quality time with all the different parts of my family, and really enjoyed being off around Christmas instead of it being the busiest time of the year (like at my old job). With all the changes in my life over the past few months I have been surprisingly excited about most things. Unfortunately the changes in my life have not all been at my choosing (they never are). Most recently I have been laid off from my new job with Biz Com Electric. They let 10 people go on Friday including me. I don't know yet how everything is going to play out. I have enough savings to live for a while without working, so I'm not panicking, but I do need to find work quickly. I have some options and need to make some decisions, but am confident everything will work out. This wasn't in the plan though that's for sure.

Here are my options as of today, there are others, but none I am interested in pursuing right now:

1.) Call Biz Com tomorrow and see if work has picked up and they are wiling to take me back. I say this (though it sounds silly after only 1 business day) because I was instructed by the owner to do so during the lay off conversation.

2.) Take the other job offered to me today by another IEC member company for less money.

3.) Continue trying to find a better paying job, possibly outside the electrical industry, until business picks back up.

At this point I am confident that something will work out. I have held the contention all along that anyone actively pursuing employment can find it, not to mention I also happen to think God has my back.

Other than that it looks as though I am going to start leading yl again this week. I wouldn't have bet on that a month ago, but it seems God is not finished with me in that ministry yet. I am excited about coming back to be honest. I miss going to games and hanging out with kids. I have enjoyed the extra time to be around the house doing things, and the flexibility in my schedule has allowed me to figure out some occupational problems that would have otherwise likely gone undealt with, but it is not a viable longterm option. I am as convinced as ever that I was designed to be giving my life away. It just doesn't feel right to me to only focus all of my energy all of the time on me and my life. I can't believe Jesus died on the cross so I can play 360 all night forever. Young Life is a solid ministry because if you make yourself available to Him God will truly use your life as an instrument of love and grace in the lives of others. I don't know exactly how things will go the next year of my life, but I feel good about knowing I am His and "He has prepared good works for me to do."

A bunch more changes! Hurray! Seriously though I am still exited about stuff. I really think things will work out. Joel (and now his recently published wife too) says I am going to be victorious and I agree. I am reminded of the Sermon on the Mount where we are counseled against worrying about the things of this world, but instructed to seek first His Kingdom. I am going to try to do that this week.

"In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."~ John 16:33

God Almost Killed Moses

2008-12-08T17:11:00.004-05:00

For some reason last night when I went to bed I didn't really feel like going to sleep right away. I only mention it because that almost never happens to me. Usually when I lay down its game over in minutes. I read a few pages from whatever book I'm reading, turn out the light, and when the alarm goes off in the morning I turn it back on. Last night though, I read a few chapters of City of God (they're only like 250 each), but it didn't really put me out like it normally does so I went for some OT story time. Do you ever have those times when you just want to read a story from the Old Testament? I decided to start at the beginning of Exodus. Now, I've read the calling of Moses section more than a few times. It's common to hear about how Moses was the adopted son of the Pharaoh's daughter, how he was raised by his real mom only because she was hired as the Pharaoh's daughters nursemaid, how he grew up and killed an Egyptian slave driver, how he left Egypt for Midian, how in Midian he met his wife and father-in-law, and how he was called to lead the Nation of Israel out of Egypt by the "Angel of the Lord" from a burning bush. In NLT they used to talk about looking for the burning bush, and how it's important to hear the call of God on your life before you start leading. I have heard more than a few sermons on a variety of big ideas contained in this small section of scripture because it truly is rich. For me it's one of those stories in the Bible that I can kind of read without actually reading. Like a kid that doesn't know how to really read yet can still read a book they've read a lot of times. So I'm cruising along last night and out of nowhere I read this verse I would swear I've never read it before. It happens so fast it's easy to miss I guess, but all day I have been thinking about it.

Exodus 4:24-26 ~ "Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the Lord met him and sought to put him to death. The Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin and threw it at Moses' feet, and she said, "You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me." So He let him alone. At that time she said, "You are a bridegroom of blood"-because of the circumcision."

The NIV says it like this "the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him."

This occurs after the burning bush, after he performs the miracle of the staff into a snake and the leprous hand. It's on the way back to Egypt. After everything that has happened God suddenly decides to come and kill Moses? So I didn't get it...

Instead of just going to sleep I broke out the commentaries. I needed some help with the God killing Moses part of the "Let my people goooo" story. Basically the consensus is that God was upset with Moses because his wife had convinced him to not circumcise the kid. Apparently Moses was in violation of the covenant God had with Abraham blah blah blah...

My take is that God didn't care that he was the chosen guy to go liberate the people because he was disqualified by his sin. It doesn't matter what God calls us to if we take ourselves out. The more I think about it the more it fits. God calls us to do things he "has prepared in advance for us to do." I think God probably wants more for me than I could ever even think to want for myself. The thing I have to try to remember though, is that all around there are pitfalls that can take me out. Yes, it is important to remember that the grace of Christ can redeem us from any distance or depth. However, I am beginning to think that we are able to alter the trajectory of our life to something lower than what God had intended. I can live a redeemed life with Him, but the way I walk that out will determine how closely my life matches God's original intention. I think as long as we are alive we are still tied to sin and its brokenness. That's the grace of death that we can be completely restored instead of living forever in a state of brokenness.

I was thinking about this and there are some sure examples from scripture that illustrate this idea. The big one that came to mind was Moses telling God he wasn't capable of doing what God had asked him to do. He defies God and it says the "Lord's anger burned against him," but still in His grace he offered Moses the help of Arron. This, however, was not God's original hope. He never wanted arron to be Moses' orator. As a consequence Aaton leads the people into idollaty the moment Moses is away on the mountain. This is a consequence of Moses' failure to obey fully the call of God, and though in God's grace the trajectory of his life was altered. Remember that Moses never went into the promise land. Another example is the story of Abraham, Sara, Hagar, Ishmael, and Issac. God never intended for Ishmael to be born and as a consequence generations of people have been led away from the true God to something else as part of the Islam religion. It was never what God intended, but our actions have serious consequences. Maybe the most notable of all is when Adam and Eve chose their will over God's. The consequence not only altered their own lives (physical death, cast out from the garden, bad relationships, labor pains, ect...), but the trajectory of all human history. It is accurate to say that we have fallen.

The big question I am asking myself right now is what are the things I might need to circumcise in my own life before I start leading Young Life again? What sin am I carrying around that God might seek to put me to death for? What does God have for me to do?

Christmas Lights

2008-12-07T21:02:00.003-05:00

I want to catch up a little bit on all things electrical. I didn't have much time this week to post on here, so I'll do a day by day special.

Monday: Light calls. On Friday morning every week I get to go through a building downtown and change bad light bulbs on all the floors a certain company rents out. It's about 8 floors and can take as little as 45 minutes, or up to 4 hours to go through and change all things bad. This week it got done on Monday because we didn't work last Friday due to the holiday. Changing lights this week was quick (possibly related to all the lights being off for most of the last week). After I went back to Dixie Terminal, that's the building our office is, to hang up some Christmas Wreaths. To do this I had to drive this big scissor lift from down on 3rd street around the block and up the hill to 4th street to the entrance . For those of you who have never moved a scissor lift before, it is a slow adventure to say the least, exceedingly slow when moving uphill. So I drove the lift a total distance of maybe 3 blocks between 8:00 and 9:00. As a side note to moving the lift I want to talk a little bit about the people in life who are afraid to walk on street vents or lids in the sidewalk. I had to drive something which I would say weighs at least 2000 pounds over those bad boys...They aren't going to cave in and kill you. After break I started hanging said wreaths. As I hung them I had to splice into the existing lighting, wire in an outlet, and plug in the wreaths so that the lights would work. There were 21 wreaths out of which only 16 were strung with functional lights. I say that because the other 5 were going to be a big part of my next day. I finished up at about 2 when I went up to the 7th floors to wire in an outlet for a new flat screen in the lobby of a recently remodeled floor. We installed an outlet on both sides of the wall with a data connection for the TV. Then we wired the outlets to a breaker panel and tied the data port to the data center. That was it for Monday, but little did I know that the Christmas light project was far from being finished.

Tuesday: When I got to work I was assigned the task of "fixing" the lights on the wreaths that weren't working. I took the lift around and methodically started to go through replacing burnt out bulbs and fuses on the strands that weren't working. One at a time I was making slow progress, but progress still. I was working on the last wreath around 11 when my boss came and found me. This was our conversation.

Chris: "Are you still working on these f***ing wreaths"

Me: "Yes" (with frustration)

Chris: "You can stop now, we just wanted to see how long you would do it before you gave up. We'll just call the company that brought them and have them come back and replace the ones that don't work...Good job on fixing those other ones though...apprentice"

When I came back from lunch we had a new wreath with new lights that worked, and my coworkers had a nice laugh at my expense. To be honest it was pretty funny.

Wednesday: This was the first day so far that I had to work outside. All day I got to change bulbs and ballasts in the garage lights of the Olympic Parking Garage. It wasn't a cold day so it was actually kind of nice to be outside. It was also nice because after the first few everyone kind of left me alone to sort it out. I don't know if it's normal or not, but it was kind of nice to be trusted as the new guy to just take care of a job.

Thursday: Thursday turned out to be a complete waste of time. Mostly because of "management". Anthony and I got assigned this data job entailing setting up a new security swipe pad in this remodel site. This would have taken 2 or 3 hours if we would have been allowed to just run new cable from the data center and hook it up. Unfortunately we had to find some unused cable already running through the building, fish it out of its current location and then re-run it to the new location. All because "management" didn't want to absorb the cost of running new cable. Keep in mind the cost of this kind of cable is int he neighborhood of 20 cents per foot. We need about 100' of cable or $20 worth to do our job. The day ended with us still trying to fish this wire out of the building. Silly, silly, silly...

Friday: Friday I helped finish up this job Torrey had been working on for 2 weeks. I went through all the 2'x4' lights he had put in changing all the bulbs and ballasts that weren't working. It took almost the whole day. The best part of the day was Anthony getting the ok to just give up and run new cable from for the job we started the previous day. The highlight had to be this new piece of gear we had to move over at the 5/3rd Tower. We were supposed to meet some guys at 9:30 to install this new switch gear in the basement. 7 people showed up and we had to flip this big metal box from its side to a standing position. It was maybe 7' tall and 4' wide and weighed 3500lbs. I thought we were going to die. At first I didn't think we were going to be able to move it, but then I realized we could only that if just one person bailed out while setting it up, everyone was going to be crushed. It was amazingly heavy, but it went by without incident.

Saturday: This week we had a special project on Saturday so I had to go to work. My job was to make sure everything went smoothly while we took down a bunch of old lights and put in some new fixtures over a bunch of cubicles. Mostly I just cleaned up and got materials for people, but I did get to wire in a few lights near the end of the day. I have a few thoughts on works weekends. First they pay me a lot of money to come in. And second, I don't actually miss anything because I don't normally do anything in the morning on the weekends anyways. I mean let's be honest the only thing I am missing out on by being at work until 12 or even 1 on Saturday is sleep. I'm not saying I am going to work every chance I get, but unless I have a legit reason for staying home, I probably should.

So that was my work week. 48 1/2 hours of my life gone forever. Yesterday afternoon I finished 2 of the 3 outstanding papers I have left this quarter. By outstanding I mean unfinished, not necessarily exceptional, although hopefully... I have to take an exam tomorrow night at 5:30 and turn all three remaining papers in by Friday this week to officially be done with the quarter. Hurray!

Other than all things obligated I had an interesting conversation last night with a 15 year old kid named Jake who was hanging out down at my house. The conversation revolved around the idea that Christianity seems narrow. That was his contention after I explained to him that Christians believe the only way to salvation is by confessing faith in Jesus and living life in relationship with Him. He asked what happens to people who don't do that, but live good lives anyways. I told him that everyone goes to Hell without Jesus. He said that was very naive and narrow minded.

The whole situation was difficult for me because on the one hand I love the kid and don't want to turn him off towards Christ, but on the other hand I feel like I need to tell him the truth. So as well as I could I explained that Christianity is narrow, in fact it couldn't be narrower. There is only ONE way, and that's with Him. On the one hand, how can a loving God condemn anyone to Hell, and on the other, how can a just God do anything else. He didn't like it, but I have to trust that God will sort it out in his life.

Wrap It Up

2008-11-29T18:38:00.004-05:00

Today I did an outreach with some Vineyard folks called Wrap It Up. It's my second favorite outreach only to Turkeyfest, but this year it was different. Traditionally the church rents out a space in Tri-County Mall (a store space) and we set up stations to wrap gifts at. The store has hours during the holiday season and is staffed by a coach and team of volunteers who wrap presents. Basically as people buy presents in the mall they bring them in and we wrap up to 3 of their gifts. Mostly it's been a bunch of AARP women actually wrapping the presents combined with some kids making these little candy cane stocking stuffers. All of this just makes it more fun for me because I'm actually a capable present wrapper, and that surprises people. It's a good time...

This year the whole idea got blown up. This year we are not getting space in the mall, but we are still doing something like wrap it up. Today I went to the first of 4 "wrap it up" events that are happening this year. Some friends and I went to a home for special needs people and made crafts, iced cookies with designs, and generally hung out for 3 hours. Some of the crafts the residents made got wrapped for them to give to family members or friends for Christmas. While I was there I ended up getting to know a guy named Matt a little bit. He was at the Prom earlier this year, and remembered me from that. He works at Wendy's and likes his job pretty well. He is trying to save up some money so he can buy a Wii. He's kind of an awkward guy because he has Asperger's disease (I don't really know what that means, but that's what he told me), but once you get to know him a little bit he's pretty cool. We left the craft area because he wanted to show me his room. We went up there for a while then he wanted to introduce me to his girl friend who lives downstairs. So we went down to her apartment; her name is Sheri (sp). I hung out with them together for about an hour. I don't know exactly what Sheri's handicap is, something like muscular dystrophy or cerebral palsy, but she was so smart. I found out she has a job as a greeter at the local Y and does free lance journalism. She has had some of her stuff published in some local newspapers, as well as an article in the Enquire last year. The amazing thing was that we were talking for a while then she said "I don't mean to be rude, but I've waited all week for this game to be on- I don't know if you know this, but UC is playing for a conference championship today and I really want to watch it." As you can all imagine I was all for it. So we put the game on and enjoyed the first half before I had to go. It was a lot of fun, and though totally not wrap it up, a great outreach just the same. Before I left both Matt and Sheri asked me if I could come back to hang out with them again sometime. I think there is really something to just being with people, present in their lives that makes a difference. I heard once that whereever we go as Christians we take Christ with us, I don't know how that works out theologically, but we are deffinately better able to be His instruments out in the world than at home on the couch.

So wrap it up is a craft outreach this year. I would never have gone on a craft outreach. I wouldn't have gone on this one except my friend asked me to go. That said, I will go again. Not because its wrap it up, but because it's not. Let me know if you are interested in going next weekend. We are going to a different home. I think I am going to take some sort of easy to play game for the people that come out. That will give us something more structured to do with people while we hang out after they are done making crafts.

"I am thankful for Brian Kelly"

2008-11-28T16:04:00.002-05:00

So far this has been a great week for me. I started my new job, which I think is going really well. The work is fun, I'm learning a lot, and the people I work with are pretty cool. I have eaten 3 Thanksgiving dinner so far, and in about 2 hours I'll be rounding out the week with a 4th. I love this holiday! I like getting together with family and friends enjoying food anytime of the year, but especially now when the food is awesome. Also there is something about people around the holidays that makes them seem nicer, more amicable somehow. I don't know if it's people just being in a good mood because of the season, or my attitude is just better and puts a silver lining around everything, but I like it. I think the obvious bit hit is the Thanksgiving Holiday. This year, like the past few years, I went to the Klostermeier's for lunch, and then to my grandma's for dinner. I love the Klostermeier's. It's silly the way they have welcomed me into their home and their family. They do a family prayer thing before eating where everyone has to go around in a circle and say what they are thankful for. The kids are pretty adorable saying things like "I'm thankful for my big sister, or I'm thankful for my mommy and daddy." It was awesome when someone said "I'm thankful for Brian Kelly and my wife and kids." Maybe the best part of my week though is this 4 day weekend I'm in the middle of. It's been pretty rare for me to get a 2 day weekend, but a 4 day weekend...I haven't had one of these since July. So I'm feeling kind of out of place just sitting at home doing nothing all day. I mean I read a little bit this morning, and have done nothing but sit around and watch football all afternoon. I don't know what I am going to do with myself for the next 2 days. The part about this week I'll probably have the longest lasting memory of though will be UC winning their first Big East Conference Championship. They all but iced it last week by beating Pitt, could have made it official tomorrow when they pound Syracuse, but don't have to because of the loss by West Virginia today. It's over, we're going to the Orange Bowl! There is, I'm told, a far fetched scenario of collapse that could put UC in the national title game, but it won't happen. So it's been a great week.

I would like to throw a shout out to all those people who got up at 3:30 or whatever time this morning to go shopping. I don't understand it, I'll certainly never do it, but props to you just the same for having the stamina and conviction to carry that plan out. My sister is one of these people. She called me at 7AM today to tell me she found a great deal on some kitchen ware and was wondering if I needed anything. I told her to leave me alone...I think...When I talked to her a little bit ago she said it wasn't to good. If you went out, I hope you found everything you were looking for. I think maybe tomorrow I'll throw out some of the best gift ideas I've heard so far this year.

The Vault

2008-11-25T16:41:00.004-05:00

Today was another day filled with new things and learning at work. For the sake of brevity I am only going to share 2 of them here though. When I went in today I was assigned the National City Tower as a project. It has 2o floors, 19 of which are currently occupied and needed to be prepared for the upcoming fire inspection. Basically I had to go through and check to make sure all the emergency egress lights were working and that the exit signs had working bulbs in them. It's pretty easy work, just tedious and time consuming. The first thing I had to do was go get my security pass so I could open the interior doors of the building. As it turns out one company runs security for most if not all of Cincinnati. You asking what does this mean for me...It means for me almost unlimited access to everything downtown. I can go to almost any floor of almost any building. So I took a break today on the 48 floor of the Carew Tower, not the top floor, but from the inside you don't know that, and its really high. I understand now why people would want that office because the view is amazing.

My second story is one of fear. I was going through the National City Tower, which has a lot of empty desks currently, checking the lights as I said. Well I started at floor 20 and started working my way down. By about 11:30 I was in the basement. Now all through the building I had been using this big line of 6 elevators as my frame of reference for what part of the floor I was in. I knew the elevators ran North South and that the freight elevator I was using was at the southern end. So I noticed when I got off on the bottom floor that none of the other elevators were there. I didn't think much of it, being in the basement I figured that not many people needed to go down there anyways. The only thing that didn't make sense was that this was the nicest floor I had walked on yet. The walls and floor were marble, there was nice artwork on the walls of marble, and there were different kinds of statues and sculptures scattered around. It was starting to dawn on me that something was amiss because there didn't seem to be any offices. When I walked out into the room the ceiling went up about 20 feet. I was just taking it all in sort of looking for the lights I was supposed to be working on when I turned around and saw it. A shinny obviously metal wall with a big door cut into it. The door was swung open and looked enormous on its solid piano hinge. The door I am referring to is of course the 14ish inch think vault door to the National City Main Branch vault. I mean granted the only thing in it at this point are some IOUs, but it was still pretty nuts. I was scared. I just short of ran back to the elevator and bolted. Thinking back on it I had nothing really to be scared of I think. I mean I have clearance right?

First Day

2008-11-24T16:10:00.004-05:00

Today was the very first day of my new job as an electrician. All in all I have to say it went pretty well, so I guess if that's all your interested in you can bail on the rest of this post. For the rest of you I'm going to share the story of my first day.

It started early! James and I were talking last night and he told me that with jobs like this respect is something you earn by consistently meeting and exceeding expectations. He told me his dad has been going in to work a half hour early for his whole career. I think one thing I could do in this new job really well is showing up on time. Well maybe I can do it. I am going to make an honest effort at being at least 15 minutes early every day and see how it goes. So today I left the house at about 6:30, which is about 23 minutes before I needed too. On my way to work I stopped and got some coffee at Starbuck's. when I got to work of course I was the only one there, and being the new guy, had to sit in the car and wait for someone with keys to arrive. Once I got inside I had to again wait around for about 45 minutes for the boss to show up and tell me where to go for the day. Luckily for me one of the project managers drove me out to my new location and hooked me up with the guy who I guess I am going to be working with for the foreseeable future.

The job site I got sent too is really a satellite office. It's downtown on 4th street right next door to National City Bank. Its crazy though because you go into this building and take this service elevator down into the sub-basement of the building. You get off the elevator and walk out into a cramped narrow hallway with a stained concrete floor and dirty white walls yellowed with smoke. Overhead there are hundreds of different types of cables, hoses, and wires running up and down the hallways. Numbered doors are spread every 20 feet or so down the length of the hallway all with some variation of a padlock holding them closed. Our office is room 43. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was how hot and humid the hallway had been, and how nice and cool it was inside. The rooms on that floor are all climate controlled by unit air conditioners poking through the walls. In this tiny 20x12 office is where I met the people I will be working with. Today I met 4 people; Bill, the guy I worked with all day (more on this later), Anthony who is a youngish guy that likes to laugh, at least that's what I thought after lunch today, Chris who is the downtown manager (basically he supervises all the downtown jobs), and Stanley who is the project manager for the whole company. Of these guys I got to spend my day working with Bill.

Bill is in his mid to late 40's I would guess. During my conversation with him today I learned he has a quasi wife and 4 kids. I say quasi because they aren't actually legally married, but for all intensive purposes they are married. They've lived together for 25 years or something, and when I asked him about ever getting married he said "next year she retires, and it might be nice to get her on my benefits, but we'll see." Aside from his personal life he is the best electrician on the downtown crew. He's been working Bizcom's service contracts in the city for 10 years and knows everyone in every building. Walking around with him today was like escorting a celebrity. In addition to knowing all the people he knows how to get everywhere both inside and outside buildings, and today alone took me to closets on different floors of like 6 buildings (I think anyways, I got a little lost after a while). So he's showing me around all these passages and service elevators which was amazing really because we would go from some nasty hallway to a super nice hotel lobby every time we walked through another door. One of the many things I learned today is that its going to take me a little while to learn my way around well.

After a brief tour of the work area (Cincinnati) it was time for break aka 9:00 so we walked around a little more then actually went to work. Our job today was to prep this office for some cubicle restructuring that's going on tomorrow agenda. We had to rerun some voice and data wires and figure out how to power everything from the existing breakers. It was child's play for Bill, but I was learning a lot. At one point he had me hook up these Internet jacks to some Cat-5 cable. He tossed me this tool and said very matter of factly "hook those up." I told him I had never done it before to which he responded over the top of his glasses "you match up the colors..." I felt like a jackass, but I got it wired up. After everything was prepped we had to test everything with this volt meter which was pretty cool. At lunch I some of the other guys where asking how I was doing and I think he complimented me. He said "he's not bad, not like some of these dumb mother effers they send down here." Like I said I think it was a compliment... After lunch it was more walking around and cleaning up our mess. Bill had to leave early because he was picking his car up from the shop so for the last 20 minutes of the day I hung out in the office by myself.

All things considered I thought it was a good day, daring to be great even. Bill is a nice guy and a good teacher, and I think we will get along just fine. So far I like what I think I am going to be doing, and I think I will be very good at it someday. For now though, I am just going to keep trying to stay out of the way and not screw anything up. As a side note about Bill he is consumed by excellence; I was putting some socket covers on today and he told me the screw heads are supposed to be lined up vertically. I like having a job where excellence is valued again.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-23T20:05:00.005-05:00

Today at church they talked about the idea of thanksgiving. At the start of the sermon every week the pastor does some announcements, and both announcements this week were sad. The first was that this woman who had been on the prayer list for months finally passed away. I don't really know much about it, but it felt like everyone was ready. The second announcement was truly awful though; this family in the church had a baby two weeks ago and there were some complications. The baby died on Friday at only 10 days old. I can't imagine that. If you read this and are the type to pray at all, pray with me for that family. Right after "announcing" this to the congregation the pastor had to give a sermon on thanksgiving. The gist of the sermon being that in life's many different circumstances, both good and bad, we are called, commanded even, to be thankful in everything. "in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18 This idea ties in with my Kingdom post earlier this week. Our response to life is supposed to be thankfulness, even when our circumstances are impossible, even when we don't understand, even when no one would blame us for not; we are called to be thankful.

I am not saying here that all of the things in life we experience are good, or feel good, or that we should feel good about everything, because honestly, we shouldn't. There are things in life we should feel bad about. Sin should be offensive to us. We should not be thankful that someone gets raped or murdered, or when some one's house gets broken into, or when a baby dies. Sometimes we need to feel hurt and angry even, but even in those circumstances we somehow should remember to be thankful; not for the circumstances, but in spite of them. No matter what happens in the temporal life around us Christ still has grace enough to redeem us of our sin and restore us when we are victims. There is nothing in all creation that can separate us from Him. At the end of the day He is still the King, He is still on the throne. Christ is constantly working on His vine; He is pruning, and watering, and harvesting, and sometimes bandaging, but always He is working. For this we should always be thankful.

I want to cite two examples of what this looks like from scripture. The guy who writes most often about being thankful (at least in the New Testament) is Paul. He says over and over a host of things he is thankful for; from the grace of Christ, to people or churches, even his own life. He is the one who writes in Thessalonians "be thankful always". It's an obvious connection, but still worth mentioning, that he is also the guy who in Corinthians points out just how much ground he has to stand on when saying that.

"21To my shame I must say that we have been weak by comparison But in whatever respect anyone else is bold--I speak in foolishness--I am just as bold myself. 22Are they Hebrews? So am I Are they Israelites? So am I Are they descendants of Abraham? So am I. 23Are they servants of Christ?--I speak as if insane--I more so; in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. 24Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. 26I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; 27I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure."~ 2 Corinthians 11:21-27

"Be thankful always" isn't coming from some everything in my life is great pastor in Texas named Joel, its coming from Paul the Apostle. This is the same guy who says later "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."~ Philippians 3:8 He says that from jail at the end of his life when he knows he could be executed at any time. For some reason I have really been hit lately by the way I have responded to some things in my life, especially "adversity."

My first response when something happens to me is usually something selfish. I deflect with things like "it's not my fault" or "I'm justified" or "if so and so had just..." There's two problems with this sort of response. First I am focused on myself. Secondly I'm focused on the present situation. My first response is almost never God is good, this will work out. That's especially funny to me because that's almost always my go to response in some form or another when something difficult is happening to someone I care about. For me it's easy to say to others "Focus on Christ," but hard to do myself.

I look at the example of Stephen when he is brought up on trial in front of the Pharisees as an example of how I should respond when dealing with hardship. He is the guy who runs the early church soup kitchen. His job is to make sure all the people that need food are being fed. Some people start some rumors about him to get him in trouble, and when he's brought to some witch hunt kangaroo court he doesn't try to defend himself. He doesn't try to say that the charges are bogus. He doesn't try to justify his actions. His response is focused entirely on the person of God. He tells the story of God. His first response is to tell everyone who God is. He is focused on the great history of what God has done in the world and who He is, not himself and what he has done. The thing Stephen and Paul have in common is that they are both entirely convinced that everything rests in the hope Christ offers. it doesn't matter to either of them that they are experiencing something difficult.

My second example of being thankful is Christ himself. On the night of his false arrest, false accusation, false trial, and false execution he is still thankful. At the Last Supper when He prayed before breaking bread it says he "gave thanks" (Matt 26:11, Mark 14:23, Luke 22:17) He was not totally siked about the next 24 hours. He was stressed out to the point of sweating blood, and yet He was still thankful. He looked forward at taking on the sin of the world and carrying it to the cross with thanksgiving. I think He was only able to do that because His focus was on God achieving His will, not on the difficulty of the part He was required to play. His prayer should be mine; "not my will, but yours."

The example is clear of how I am supposed to position my attitude. I am supposed to be focused on God and what He is accomplishing. Someone recently shared a great analogy with me about following Christ. He said to me "Say you are swimming in a harbor towards the only point of land in sight, and the whole time you are swimming fog keeps rolling in and out of the harbor occasionally preventing you from seeing the lighthouse you are swimming towards. When you can see the light house you swim towards it, and when you can't see the lighthouse you swim in the direction of the lighthouse as well as you can remembering where it was. Every time the fog clears enough for you to see it again you correct your course as much as you need to and keep going." Staying focused on Christ sounds good, but let's be honest, it's not always the easiest thing to do. Sometimes you lose sight of what God is doing. The key to being faithful is to keep swimming even when the fog is to thick to know exactly the direction to go. The idea being that even when we can't see it the goal (Christ) is still in mind. When I can (see Him) I should be thankful for being able to, and when I can't I should be thankful that He is still there just on the other side of the mist.

Bearcats

2008-11-22T13:36:00.006-05:00

Cincinnati is a football town. Anyone who is from here, or has lived here for any amount of time knows that it's just true. For some reason people just love it here. On Fridays tens of thousands of people flock to high school stadiums all over the city. It seems like lately we almost always have a local HS team in the national top 25 (although this year they both disappointed), and people are drawn to it. On Sundays people go down to the stadium to tailgate or have people over to their houses for paties to watch the Bengals. So naturally when UC positioned itself in a legitamte conference and actually tried to field a good team everyone jumped on the bandwagon. Now things are different. It is exciting on campus the week of a home game now, everyone wants to go or is having people over to watch it on TV. A Bearcat Nation is forming...

Tonight the Bearcats make a bid at a BSC Bowl Game! That's insane! When I started college we couldn't sell out our Homecoming game. I remember my Freshman year in the fall of 2004 we had the ESPN game of the week at home on a Wednesday night againt West Virginia who at the time were in 1st place in the conference. We lost the game 43-0 and I was one of about 8,000 UC fans who witnessed it. Can you imagine that now. Today's game against Pitt sold a few days ago, but the tickets cost more than Bengals tickets for the general public. I think a non student ticket for the game today was like $42. I am so glad that MY team is finally a legit college contender. Depending on whether Kellys stays or not UC should be a lock for the top 25 for the forseeable future.

There is, however, a lot of talk of our coach going to Tenn after this season. Honestly though, if I were Brian Kelly I'd go. I mean the SEC is the premiere conference in all of college football. The Big 12 has closed the gap, but it still the SEC, and with that kind of reputation you can afford to buy out coaches from the underling conferences. Coaching at Tenn you get more recruiting power, more money, better facilities, more fans, and you play against the best. What coach wouldn't want that job? So we'll see what happens, but I am looking for some conversation about who UC might replace Kelly with.

I posted the picture I did because I want to talk a little about what's happening in our city. People HATE Mike Brown for what he has doen to the Bengals. We are so desperate for a good team of any kind to cheer for, yet are in a hopeless situation with him in control of the Bengals. Some people blame Marvin, and as an NFL coach you need to win with the hand your dealt, but he has been so handcuffed by Mike Brown the ultimate blame has to be with the owner. This year the Bengals are going to win 3 games, maybe, at most. As of today the Bengals record with Mike Brown as the owner is 98-184-1, that's a 35% winning record. He might be the only leader in the free world with a lower approval rating than G.W. Bush. This year is over for the Bengals, time to play for the draft. As a result people are loving the only good team in the city this year, the Bearcats. I'm siked! hey, maybe if the Bengals are bad enough this year something might actually change. I mean the 90's would suggest that nothing will change, but I can always hope right?

Themes

2008-11-21T15:15:00.004-05:00

Gmail introduced it new themed e-mail dashboard this week. I am currently experimenting with the planets theme. The interesting twist is that depending on the location you enter into the theme it gives you a different background. At first I was somewhat curious to see if the backgrounds would change on some yet unknown interval, like a calendar, or they would just set you up with the same planet forever. This was all made clear to me today when i awoke to a new planet. Other than the themed e-mail idea, Google is doing a lot of other things right now in the way of making some money. Apparently the company isn't doing so hot in spite of generating 16+ billion in revenue and 4+ billion in profits last year. Not bad at all for a company with just under 17,000 employees. I don't understand to a great degree a lot of what is happening in our economy at present, but I do know that when crazy solid companies like Google are struggling it's not good. Their stock is down in the neighborhood of $450 per share in the last year. That's insane! The practical implications of this for me (not a shareholder) are that I have to deal with their new advertising plan which included add banners over Youtube Videos. I guess whore it out if you can to make a buck, but the heart of google has always been to serve the customer. Even in their advertising they have tried to maintain a sense of matching people with what they want to find. I don't know if that's totally going down the tubes, but this is deffinately a step in the wrong direction. i hope is doesn't last...

For now I'm just going to enjoy my new planet background to my e-mail. Maybe next week I'll post something about how my college, which I pay tuition to, gives me a 20MB e-mail account while Gmail gives me 7265MB for free.

Kingdom Thought

2008-11-20T17:24:00.009-05:00

As some of you know I am reading a book called City of God by Augustine. The book is actually a collection of books or chapters written to a friend of Augustine who lived in North Africa named Marcellinus. Marcellinus was friends with a man who was very anti-Christ(ian), and the book was an argument constructed to help Marcellinus "win" him over. Basically this guy was contending that the fall of the Roman Empire was due to the influences and eventually domination of Christianity over the former polytheistic spirituality of Rome. In a sense he was saying that Rome was successful at world domination for 700 years before fully accepting Christ, and when they finally did it quickly lead to their downfall. The context the book was written in is the decade following the invasion of Rome the capital (410-420), something which hadn't happened for nearly 800 years.

This book is loaded with good stuff. Augustine systematically pieces together a commentary on some of the hardest questions ever asked all while maintaining a concise and readable style. His incite into the nature of God and His present kingdom is a big part of the foundation upon which our faith is now based. All that said, I found this ex script particularly applicable to my life today.

Blessings and disasters often shared by good and bad

"No doubt this question will be asked, "why does the divine mercy extend even to the godless and ungrateful?" The only explanation is that it is the mercy of one "who makes his son rise on the good and on the bad, and sends rain alike on the righteous and the unrighteous". Some of the wicked are brought to penitence by considering these facts, and amend their impiety, while others, in the words of the Apostle, "despise the riches of God's goodness and forbearance, in the hardness and impenitence of their hearts, and lay up for themselves a store of wrath in the day of God's anger and of the revelation of the just judgment of God, who will repay every man according to his actions". Yet the patience of God still invites the wicked to penitence, just as God's chastisement trains the good in patient endurance. God's mercy embraces the good for their cherishing, just as his severity chastens the wicked for their punishment. God in His providence, decided to prepare future blessings for the righteous, which the unrighteous will not enjoy, and sorrows for the ungodly, with which the good will not be tormented. but he has willed that these temporal goods and temporal evils should befall good and bad alike, so that the good things should not be too eagerly coveted, when it is seen that the wicked also enjoy them, and that the evils should not be discreditably shunned, when it is apparent that the good are often afflicted with them.

The most important question is this: What use is made of the things thought to be blessings, and of the things reputed evil? The good man is not exalted by this world's good; nor is he overwhelmed by this world's ills. The bad man is punished by misfortune of this kind just because he is corrupted by good fortune.

However, it often happens that God shows more clearly his manner of working in the distribution of good and bad fortune. For if punishment were obviously inflicted on every wrongdoing in this life, it would be supposed that nothing was reserved for the last judgment; on the other hand, if God's power never openly punished any sin in this world, there would be an end to belief in providence. Similarly in respect of good fortune; if God did not grant it to some petitioners with manifest generosity, we should not suppose that these temporal blessings were his concern, while if he bestowed prosperity on all just for the asking we might think that God was to be served merely for the sake of those rewards, and any service of him would prove us not godly but rather greedy and covetous.

This being so, when the good and the wicked suffer alike, the identity of their sufferings does not mean that there is no difference between them. Though the sufferings are the same, the sufferers remain different. Virtue and vice are not the same, even if they undergo the same torment. The fire which makes gold shine makes chaff smoke; the same flail breaks up the straw, and clears the grain; and oil is not mistaken for lees because both are forced out by the same press. In the same way, the violence that assails good men to test them, to cleanse and purify them, effects in the wicked their condemnation, ruin, and annihilation. Thus the wicked, under pressure of affliction, offer up prayers and praises. This shows that what matters is the nature of the sufferer, not the nature of the the sufferings. Stir a cesspit, and a foul stench arrises; stir a perfume, and a delightful fragrance ascends. but the movement is identical."

It is a timeless question; why do bad things happen? In my own life his response adds perspective to many difficult situations. I especially like the lens of looking at the good and bad things happening around me as "temporal," and remembering that His blessings (or curses) are all designed to purify me of my sin, and to sanctify my life for Him. He is right when he points out that even as godly people we still covet the same things as the "wicked." It makes me ask myself where am I finding my true joy. If it isn't in Him then I am no different than the world. It is important to remember that even the good things in life are empty cisterns compared to His surpassing glory. Do I really long for the sin of the world, or more personally, the sin in my own life to be burnt away? Do I really desire for God to come and make me His at EVERY expense? Do I want His will to be my will, really? Ultimately I think this is a question of perspective; when I look at my day to day life, some days might be great, some terrible, and if I focus on that, I too will fluctuate with my interpretation my circumstances; but if I can focus on Christ, He is unchanging in His glory. It makes me think of Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

I want to see the world like Augustine must have for a little while. I would like to get to a place where I don't see the individual blessings or hardships in my life, but instead see everything that happens as the handiwork of God designed to help me better understand who He is by becoming more the man I was designed to be. I want to stop thinking about whether or not God is justified to act as He does, and start thinking about what God is saying about who I am and who I should be.

Going Green

2008-11-19T15:48:00.004-05:00

Today I started on our house initiative to save some money on energy this year by putting plastic on the windows. We weren't able to carry the project to completion because we ran out of plastic and don't have a hair dryer, but I think we have a good start. Later Travis is getting Rachael's hair dryer and tomorrow we are getting the rest of the supplies we need. Additionally our property manager (she's like our landlord's point guard) is nice enough to GIVE us those energy efficient light bulbs to put in all our lights. The third measure we are considering is supplementing our natural gas central air with some electric ceramic heaters. James is going to do some research (something about price per BTU) to find out which is a more cost effective way to heat our house. Apparently its a pretty complicated problem involving efficiency and and numbers...calculus even; I'm out. I'm sure he can figure it out though, and then we'll be set.

Tonight I am back at midweek with my mom. Spending Wednesday night with my mom is once of my favorite things in life. We usually get dinner somewhere and then talk for a while about what's going on in life. Lately its been heavy on family stuff which, I won't lie, has been messy, but overall I think it's good. No matter what it is, I think it's better to process stuff than to leave it alone. It's been nice because for the last 5 weeks we have had homework to read roughly 10 chapters of Genesis a week, and there is a ton in there about dysfunctional families. It's given us a lot to talk about and been really good for me and my mom. The other really cool thing about this Midweek session has been sharing a table with the same group of people every week. The format of the class we are taking is half teaching from the front, half discussion time with our table. The discussion is guided by 8-12 questions starting with very textual questions about the section of Scripture we are talking about, and moves toward more personally applicable questions. It's been awesome for me because I have discovered that there really are some faithful people actually trying to follow God with their lives, decisions, families, ect. at the Vineyard. I mean I know it sounds silly and obvious, but I was starting to have my doubts. So I sit for 90 min on Wednesday nights with a bunch of faithful people trying to work out life with God together.

So that's what I'm doing. My mom just called to find out what we are going to eat tonight. Neither of us are very hungry so we are going to LuLu's to split some Chinese.

I Quit

2008-11-18T08:21:00.002-05:00

Today I got told to record a 3 hour lunch on my time sheet for my "appreciation" lunch last week. I was gone for 2 hours, and stopped at Lowe's on the way back to pick up some things we needed at work. That's just silly. Maybe if my boss had gone to my 'appreciation" lunch it would have been more evident how long I was actually gone. There are many things in my life to be thankful for, this week I am most thankful for 10 PM Thursday.

Call It A Comeback

2008-11-17T10:11:00.005-05:00

I am starting the blog back up. Well, to be fair, I am going to try to start the blog back up. I think the bulk of my new material is going to come from my new job. For anyone reading this who doesn't know already, I took a job as an electrician with a company called Bizcom Electric. I will be an apprentice for the next 4 years while I do my on the job training (8000 hours). In addition to the OJT hours I have to take a night class once a week during the school year for 4 years starting next September. As often as I can find the time and motivation to I will post updates about what I am learning. Along the way I'm sure there will be inumerable stories to share as well.

Until next Monday when I start I'm enjoying my last week on staff at VCC. I feel like there might still be some surprises in store for my last two days (Tues & Thurs)-call it a vibe. Maybe in a few weeks or months I'll have processed my time there enough to post somethings about it. For now suffice to say that I ceratinly have gone a long way towards growing up in the last 4 years; how much of that is because of the church vs. all the other things that have happened in that time is unknown. If I have learned anything, it's that no matter how far I've come, there is so much farther to go still.

Endurance

2007-05-05T05:50:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep. This is a continuing recent problem for me. Often I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason at all just thinking about different situations/relationships/choices that I am involved in. Sometimes it turns out to be really good because I'll pray for a while or read or journal , and eventually I will be able to fall back asleep. The problem is that this is becoming an increasingly wearying period of my life. Tonight I am stuck on the idea of long endurance through struggle.

It funny, last night at leadership one of the verse we talked about was Hebrews 12:1 "run with endurance" and that's what this season of my life seems to be about. I need to endure for a while. I think the point in the verse is that the endurance and the temporary struggle now is worth the great reward later. This is true in things that we get to see the fruit of in this life as well as in our life after. I know that sometimes relationships are worth sticking out when it sucks because there can be something great on the other side of that. Ministry sometimes is worth enduring while it's difficult and sucky because God is working and there will be redemption for His faithful. 1 Cor 15:58 I am told that the payoff for enduring college is worthwhile, but I am beginning to seriously question that.

I know I am incredibly thankful for the people in my life that have chosen to love me with endurance despite how difficult I often make it. I am greatly indebted to the people that have first loved me while I did nothing to deserve it. The way I heard it a few months ago was that to truly know God we need to have long obedience in the same direction. To know God's heart I need to be in prayer daily for years. To know God's Word I need to be reading it, and meditating on it, and memorizing it every day for years. To see fruit in ministry I need to be obedient to the same ministry for a long time. My prayer lately has been to live with God's heart, to love with His strength, with His endurance so that I can finish the race. I have given up the arrogance and pride that says I can run a good race without help...

Posting

2007-04-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

It has been increasingly difficult for me to find time to post this quarter. This quarter for me has easily been the most demanding of my time of all my time in college so far. I am taking 6 classes, 4 of which commonly assign between 200-300 pages of reading per week. I think its the 5th week of the quarter and one of my professors has yet to assign less than 100 pages of reading between any of the classes that meet 3 times a week. So basically I don't sleep and I read a lot. Along with that work is still a big part of my schedule. I can't say enough about how great my job is though. I get paid well for what I do, and they are incredibly flexible with my school and YL schedule. Sometimes my boss is kinda micromanagy, but he gets the big picture of church ministry really well. In general the people I work with are a great support to me in all of the things I do.

In YL things are going quite well at Wyoming. I am getting to know many kids, and time at the school has been fantastic. We had an "Ambassador Team Meeting" last week which is like our key supporting parents, and for the first time as a leader I genuinely felt like the parents in the community care a great deal about there kids knowing Christ. These parents are not only excited about their kids knowing Christ, but they agree with us leaders that YL is a great tool for encouraging that relationship. We have a group of "Junior Leaders" who pretty much run everything for us at club. It seems like every week there is one thing out of place that we have to pick up, but in general they do a great job putting everything together, picking up kids, and generally making YL Club a success at their school. It is so encouraging to see kids that own their faith and have a vision for their peers to do the same. This Monday at club was the "Sin" talk and campaigners this week was all about figuring out what sin is about; where it comes from, how it affects our lives, what the consequences are, how the devil attacks us. It's so great because to make campaigners happen we just start with some scripture and a general idea and the kids take over. Its more like a led discussion than anything else. Campaigners in Wyoming is what campaigners is supposed to look like. Next week is the cross talk, and I am so excited to see how the kids respond, especially some of the new kids.

I am continuing to learn about how inadequate I am and how great God is. I have really worked hard to carve out time everyday for devotions and prayer. Somehow I missed for the first few years that prayer is at least as important as reading scripture to having a solid relationship with God. I may finally have begun to understand how to listen for what God is saying into my life. My attitude towards the things that I am consistently in prayer about seems to change. There is something about allowing myself to be open to what God is saying, even when I don't know what to listen for, that aligns my heart with Gods heart. Time in prayer is time where we allow God to align our will with His will. It's sad really that so commonly people brush off the Christian "pray about it" when really its not a bad idea in almost every situation. Prayer is much more tangible and practical than it sounds.

I am off to work here soon and have some more reading to do so I am going to have to keep this brief, but things are going really well. I am being stretched and grown in many areas of my life, and am continually reminded to look at God for the things I need. I hope that I get a chance to write some more before the end of the quarter but at this rate things are only looking worse. One other thing I have learned about myself is that I love to write. I am sure that when I have time again, maybe before I have time again, I will start to journal as part of my devotionals.

Sabatical Over

2007-04-03T17:12:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in something like a month. I have written a lot in that time, just nothing worth sharing. My thoughts have been so scattered lately partly because I am young and unorganized, and partly because I have a lot going on in many areas of my life. In my opinion the most significant thing going on in my life is that I am learning how to love God not just know him. Throughout the past few months I have learned so many things about the character of God; things like His relentless pursuit of our everything, His power over everything even the minutia of life, His vested interest in the lives of each individual, and His will for His children to see Him clearly. In the practical sense of things my life is being all rearranged around this idea of loving God.

For starters I am now a leader at a new school, Wyoming. Around the end of February the decision to leave Mt. Healthy became final. For a variety of reasons it was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever been a part of, however near the end I felt wholly peaceful about leaving the school in God's hands alone. Learning to surrender ministry to God has been one of the hardest lessons I have ever learned as a Christian, but the freedom in that realization is enormous. I have, for the first time I think, started to view ministry as what God is doing and not what I am doing. If God goes and I don't go with Him, He can still accomplish whatever he wants. If I go and He doesn't I can accomplish nothing I want. If I go with God I am only then privileged to both witness and participate in what God is doing as well as grow my faith by walking with Christ through the different struggles of doing ministry. Philemon 1:6 Possibly the most significant part of this thinking is that ministry does not hinge upon my abilities, kids salvation does not hang on whether or not I effectively communicate the gospel at my next club talk, but on Christ alone. His great strength is in my weakness. God's glory is revealed most when He overcomes a challenge to accomplish the impossible. It's a whole new ministry in Wyoming and I am going into it with a whole new mentality of what ministry is about. That's exciting!

In addition to a new ministry I am taking my most challenging quarter of college yet. Five of my six classes will require in the neighborhood of 100 pages of reading per week including one class that has assigned over 100 pages of reading each day of the class thus far except 1. This might be the quarter I learn to read fast... Despite the higher than usual workload I like all of my classes except one. I am learning about things I like from professors I largely enjoy learning from. Not to mention I am reading some Orwell for one of my classes. In 8 and a half more weeks though, this too shall pass.

All in all I am doing well. I realize now that I can't be expected to have it all together, that it's ok for me to be messed up. Because of that my day to day life is much more dependent on Christ than it has ever been. I am still learning to adjust to being ok with my inadequacies all the time, there always seems to be the temptation to try to be more than I am. I said this a while ago in one of my posts, but I want my life to be about transparency. I want the people around me to see me for who I am, and see Christ, and the powerful work he is doing in me, for who He is. Philippians 1:6

More on Campaigner Weekend

2007-02-24T01:40:00.000-05:00

After I got done being sad about not having kids go to the weekend I ended up going to see club tonight. I mean I didn't really have anything better to do and I thought it might be fun. I ended up being really encouraged by going. Apparently there were close to 650 kids that showed up. The biggest I can ever remember this weekend being before this is like 400. The moral for me was that despite the success I am not seeing in Mt. Healthy God is still working through the ministry of YL to change lives all over the city.

I talked to a guy named Tony for a few minutes in the lobby, and this is what he told me. "I came on this weekend because I brought my friend. I have been praying for him with my leader since Christmas Break, and I really want him to meet Jesus this weekend." It was exciting for me to see how it's supposed to work. Kids loving other kids for Christ is what this ministry is at its best.

Altogether it was encouraging for me to sit in a room with 600+ high school kids who were excited to worship God together. I know the kids in that room are all over the place in the depth of their relationships with Christ, but because of their response to God's mercy, because God in His great mercy, they can change their schools. We are talking about a Revelation Generation at church these days, and I think the key to that working isn't mobilizing a huge group of adults to reach out to kids. I think that is an important step, but the really important part is getting adults to latch on to kids for life, to raise them up in their faith, to disciple them. I look forward to seeing over the next few years what happens in the area because of the number of kids who know Christ in the schools currently.

Campaigner Weekend

2007-02-23T18:06:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago I thought I was taking 3 kids 2 campaigner weekend for sure, and possibly 5. Up until last Friday I was still pretty confidant that 3 were going to go. Through a series of things none of the kids I thought were going to go are actually going. This is frustrating for me, and very discouraging. I really believe that I don't need to take kids on a camp trip or a weekend trip or anywhere else for them to experience Christ. I believe in my heart that God can work in their lives without the program of Young Life at all. However, I am still trying to hold onto hope that we may not be ending things in Mt. Healthy. This certainly doesn't help that case.

I want Young Life to work in Mt. Healthy because when YL works kids know Christ. Every time I am in the school I see kids who are dieing inside for a savior. I know kids that have fathered aborted babies, kids who cut themselves, kids who do drugs, who sell drugs, kids who want to drop out of school, kids from broken homes, I know tons of kids living in messed up lives just like mine is messed up, and I want them to know the God I know. I want my friends in that school to know the God of love. John 6:65 is a verse I have been praying about for a while now. I pray all the time that God would allow kids to know Him. Paul once said that he would trade his life for the life of his friends, I at least am willing to trade my ministry for them. If leaving is God's direction for that school then I want to leave in the hope that God has something better planned for them than the ministry of YL has to offer.

"For this reason I have said to you, that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted him from the Father."

Chambers

2007-02-19T14:04:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I'll read a devotional from "My Utmost for His Highest." I keep a copy of it in my backpack so its there when I have some time and don't want to study. The other day I read the page for February 14 and have since gone back to read it again several times. I think it is particularly insightful and convicting, especially in my present situation. The verse at the top of the page is Matthew 10:27

"What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops."

"At times God puts us through the disciple in darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him. "What I tell you in darkness"- watch where God puts you into darkness and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk int he wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed. If you talk to other people you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are int he dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.
After every time of darkness there comes a mixture of delight and humiliation (if there is delight only, I question whether we have heard God at all), delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation- What a long time I was in hearing that! How slow I have been in understanding that! And yet we God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now."
- Oswald Chambers "My utmost for His Highest" Feb 14th

I believe there is so much wisdom in what is said in that short passage. I know the first thing I always want to do when I am confronted with a big decision or problem is talk to people about it. I want to process it out loud. Then, if I still can't figure it out, the next thing I do is read books about it. The idea of just sitting and waiting and listening for God to come and clue me in to the solution is way down the list of things I will try. I don't like to listen for what God is saying because it takes discipline and patience, neither of which are virtues I am great at. I like to have answers quickly, not after days, weeks, or even months of waiting...and listening.

The down side to that is that I often miss what God is doing because I am in to much of a hurry to see it. Running ahead of God is like leaving the airport for California in a car because I didn't want to wait 2 more hours for my pilot to show up. I am sure that I often spend my time working harder than I have too trying to keep up, when I could have waited for God to move and carry me with Him. I know there are things I have not just seen partially, but missed altogether because God just wasn't ready to do His thing yet. I can't enter the promise land until God says its time to go.

The other thing, and this seems more subtle to me, I miss out on a chance to grow in my faith and understanding of God's character. Waiting on God to answer, being faithful in the silence, is a unique kind of growth opportunity. It also gives us a chance to show a little faith in our Big God. I want to be more faithful in the darkness.

The reward for that faith is another awesome opportunity. When we are faithful in the darkness, having the patience to listen and hear what God is saying, then we have a new responsibility. When we have heard from God and know what He is doing, then we become like a city on a hill that cannot be hidden. When we know God's heart we get to tell other people about it, and that is an incredible privilege. The closer we get to the light of God the brighter we shine to the people around us. A large part of our ability, if not all our ability, to lead other people to Christ comes from the vitality of our personal relationship with God.

Knowing God's heart and through that living the John 10:10 "abundant life" is what makes being a Christian irresistible to the people who see us doing it. In America becoming a Christian is not a sacrifice, at least not a hard one. There are still many countries around the world where becoming a Christian means risking your life. The people that choose Christ under those circumstances see Christ in people differently. Something about that kind of faith is attractive even in the face of death. I want to know God in a way that makes me a city on a hill; I want people to see my faith and because of it want to have a faith of their own. God help me to have mustard seed faith.

Mt Healthy Prayer Meeting

2007-02-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the prayer meeting in Mt Healthy. Five people came, and I felt like it was really good. I am not sure that I heard anything from God, but I am not sure that I didn't either. It was just good to get people together and be open about the fact that we don't know what to do. We need a BIG God to come and save us.

I have been saying for a while that we need to start praying the impossible prayer. I think prayers that are big and seem impossible under the currents circumstances are honoring to God. God likes to reveal His power through big things I think. The way I think God likes to do things is doing them in a way no group of people could have done it. He does things like feed 5000 people with 2 fish and 5 loaves or destroy an army with 300 soldiers. God is the master of the impossible. So we (Leah and I and other people concerned with YL in Mt Healthy) have to keep praying and wait.

I really think it is a time when we need to be most focused on listening. God has perfect timing and when we are supposed to know what He is doing, we will KNOW. Until then we have to be faithful in the things we know are right, and that includes patience. For now I am trying to root out all of my pride in this and turn that over to God. Whatever happens I want it to be all about God and none about me. I realize now more than ever that none of this is about me and what I am doing anyway, but about God and what He is doing.

There is a popular song right now that says "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I believe that to be true. As we wait for something to happen we are constantly being grown in our faith. For as little as I think I hear God I am sure of one thing, God wants us to find our comfort in knowing Him. His desire is for our lives to be focused on Him and nothing else.

Fasting

2007-02-14T23:16:00.000-05:00

Today I started fasting. The pan is to fast until Saturday after the prayer meeting in Mt. Healthy. I am hoping to clear my head so that I can try to listen for what God is saying. I have never cone a fast of any length before, no longer than one day eve. I am a little nervous about how its going to go. I hope I don't get sick. the big thing I am worried about is how much weight I might lose, or that I'll get sick. Like I said though, I really have no idea what I am getting into.

I ate lunch today, and haven't had anything since. I wouldn't say I am necessarily really hungry, but I consistently have thought to myself tonight "hey why don't I go eat something...aw crap..." It has been good so far though. When I think about food it just reminds me to think about God, which I think is the idea. So now I am not eating and not watching TV, basically I have forgone all American activities except the internet. I am like the college student antithesis.

At this point I don't want to read anything really. I guess I'll read the Luke 4 devotional, then sleep. Confessions has thoroughly overwhelming my capacity for digesting ideas. I just don't know what to do with it. One thing I can't help but laugh about is how easy I thought that book was the first time I read it. I just breezed through it as a high school senior. Now I read like 2 pages and I just close my eyes and try to figure out what the heck is going on. That either means I am understanding more and the stuff I am understanding is tough, or I am getting dumber and I just can't decipher things anymore.

I have 5 slices of leftover pepperoni and bacon pizza from Larosa's in my fridge. I am going to bed.

New Phone

2007-02-09T23:13:00.000-05:00

In two months (roughly) I am getting a new cell phone. For those who don't know, my phone is currently on its last legs. The screen is cracked on the outside, the screen on the inside is cracking up the left side, much of the paint is worn off the buttons, the antenna doesn't work great anymore, the flip up half is about to break off due to a large crack in one if its hinges, basically this thing is done. So i am really excited about getting a new phone. I am interested mostly in LG phone because I think they are the best. I am not interested very much in MP3 player, or PDA functioning phones, I just want a durable, reliable phone with a decent battery life (48 hours). So I am taking suggestions, persuade me! I am currently liking the VX8600. I like its thinness and lack of an antenna. It's "sleek."

Scripture

2007-02-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

I was witness to a comment tonight about people not memorizing scripture. The gist of it was that far to many people are more concerned with watching Lost or Grey's than they are with learning scripture. I am not talking about people in society, but the Christian population. I didn't say anything and the moment passed quickly, but it has kind of erked me. I mean what's the deal with that statement. First of all I think there is a lot of truth to it. I read the bible on a daily basis and put a lot of effort into learning what is has to say, but I still probably know more show or movie lines than I do verses in Scripture. I don't know if that's bad, but it doesn't sound very good. So where does this lack of emphasis come from.

In Young Life we have a whole section of one of our diagrams (The Wheel) dedicated to God's Word. The verses there are 2 Timothy 3:16-17 and Joshua 1:8, and if even one of those is taken to heart I would expect a very high priority put on learning scripture. Why then are there so few people, including myself, who know a lot of scripture?

One thing worth mentioning here is that at the Vineyard there is a non-existent emphasis put on memorizing Scripture. Maybe I am missing it, or its just not a priority of a seeker friendly church, but I just don't see an emphasis put on learning scripture. Yeah, there is the idea of quiet times, and daily reading, but that's not the image I see in scripture. I don't know if it's like that in all churches or even lots of churches, but I am sure that's not how it was in biblical times.

When a Monarchy was first established over Israel they where instructed by God to write out the Pentateuch, by hand, and read it every day, always keeping it with them so that they may be careful to keep God's commands. Back in the day know the Bible was a big deal. Check out Acts 7 and listen to Stephen when his life is on the line quote passages from most of the old testament. Or Paul when he is writing to a church or disciple quote from several of the prophets. The ultimate example is Christ and all the different times He knew scripture and the prophesies He was fulfilling. The point is that Jesus thought knowing Scripture essential to knowing God.

Now I see people like Hudson Taylor or Betty McGee or Corrie Ten Boom, people who have done great things with there faith, and they all know scripture incredibly well. In spite of how well they know it, I would bet that they still desire to know it more. They have tapped into a power in scripture that I feel like I am missing. It is personal to them, all of it. I don't know how to get to that point, but I think I am beginning to realize the importance of knowing scripture.

As many of you know, stuff hasn't really been great for me lately in terms of what's happening in my life. Not that things are all bad, just there have been a lot of challenges that have staggered me in my routine of life. One of the things that has jumped out at me lately is a bunch of scripture I didn't even know I knew. Stuff I had memorized or spent a lot of time trying to figure out months or years ago that has just been popping up in my thoughts. It's worth noting that at many times lately, even often, Scripture has been the stuff in my life that allows me to walk around with my head held high. I will get stuck on something like "nothing new under the sun" from Ecclesiastes 6, or Romans 8:38-39, or Micah 7:8, there are a ton of examples. The point here is that Scripture has been of great usefulness and necessity to me lately, and I wish that I had spent more time learning it before now. The Word of God quenches our souls.

I have been trying (but not hard) for a long time to memorize the book of Ephesians. I want to be more consistent in the effort I put into memorizing Scripture. Someday it could be taken away from me, or God could call me to a place where I am not allowed to have it. I need to start preparing for that even if it never happens. Even without those extremes it would be incredibly useful to know much more than I do now. So that's feelings, Scripture is a big deal and we generally take it for granted and I want to stop doing that.

Top 10 list of favorate things

2007-02-09T01:02:00.000-05:00

10.) Roller Coasters

9.) Kids (when they aren't crying)

8.) Quiet

7.) Skipping Class

6.) Chipotle

5.) Sports

4.) Sunsets on vacation (they are always better when you are somewhere you usually aren't)

3.) Books

2.) Friends

1.) Grace

My Continued Wrongness

2007-02-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been reading about the cities of Sodom and Gommorah, which biblically actually reffers to 5 or 6 cities located in a particular region of the Nile Valley. Apparently these cities where incredibly wealthy, it is unclear why, but most likely because of the valuable salt trade.

In Sodom the people were so rich and corrupted that they actually had laws to prevent poor people from enetering the town or living in their community. They had a common area in the center of the city where people traveling through could sleep for a night, but when it was dark there were laws so that any citizen of Sodom could come and do whatever they wanted with anyone staying in the Common Area. Basically they could rape them, enslave them, kill them, rob them, whatever. There were no laws against anything when it came to people that weren't in the community.

Now when Abraham and Lot break off Lot is well accepted in Sodom because of his great well and status. So he starts living there, later 2 angels come get pissed after the towns people try to rape them, and destroy everything with Fire and Brimstone. Anyways, now this is where I am wrong, a while ago I had said that I thought American Culture had become one of the most corrupt cultures of all time. As it turns out I was way wrong. Americans generally stand up for people who are weak or need help. In general I feel like the people of America have compassion and are willing to do something when confronted with injustice. Yes I still think we get a lot wrong and in some part of our culture virtually every imaginable sin is happening, but there are still a lot of people who are faithful. God would not destroy Sodom if only ten where found to be righteous in the city. As Andy Stanely would say, "a little bit of salt goes a long way towards perserving a society."

Matthew 5:13 is where Jesus calls us the salt of the earth. We are the preservative of the whole planet. We just have to make sure we don't lose our saltiness...

Lesson of the Day

2007-02-07T15:27:00.000-05:00

Make sure that the school you lead YL at is open before you drive there to do contact work. Nothing quite like a 35 minutes car ride to end up where you started...except maybe a 36 minutes car ride for nothing. I tried to recover even by calling some kids to see if they wanted to get some food or go to the mall, but nothing worked out. Oh well maybe Friday.

On a more uplifting note, its is entirely possible or even likely at this point that at least 3 or possibly even 4 or 5 guys go to Campaigner Weekend. That's good news! Also this week I reconnected with two kids I haven't heard from or seen in months. Both of them had moved, one moved back to his original house, and the other to Winton Woods . The one who now lives in Winton Woods decided to call me out of the blue, and the one who lives in Mt. Healthy again I saw at school on Monday. Apparently they didn't like it in Anderson and decided to move back...to their original house. Both of there names are Chris, and they both want to hang out next week. That's pretty cool/hilarious if you ask me.

White Death

2007-02-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

Today the White Death came! And it was White Death. No matter how much we seem to plan for the snow at work, it just never seems to work out. Today we were ready. We watched slowly as the blotches crept across the radar at lunch, and when it started snowing we where on it immediately. However, after starting the salt spreader and trying to run it briefly, we noticed that it just wasn't working. Apparently some water got in the salt and turned it into one big block of concrete. The conveyor belt at the bottom of the holding bin wouldn't budge. So to fix it Ed and I had to dig the whole bin out by hand. By the time we got it working both our shoulders were shot and we couldn't move our fingers.

For some reason, every time it snows, something goes horribly wrong. At this moment I bet Gene is still at the church plowing away. When people arrive for work tomorrow morning the lot will be cleared and everything will look great. Only a few people will every know about the colossal problem that we were faced with at 2:30. I mean eventually we got it working and the snow stopped and we were actually able to make some progress toward seeing ground again, but man was it rough for a few hours.

Basically if it never snows again while I am responsible for doing something about cleaning it up, I will be just fine with that. For as long as I work on the facilities team at VCC I hope it never snows again, not one flake. its not that I mind horribly working hard or responding to problems, its just so predictable that something goes wrong. Maybe what I actually wish is for one time everything would just work.

Ok now I am over my rant and I can move on with life. I sort of wonder how sore I will be tomorrow, but I can deal with that then. On to much more important things, soccer starts again tomorrow. This is going to be the funnest team I have ever played on. For starters I think most of the people playing are pretty good. I might be the worst person on the team. Secondly, I know everyone playing already so I wont have to go through the sometimes tough part of learning everyones name. Thirdly I am just excited to play again. I just really like soccer! So tomorrow the season starts at 10:30! I can't wait. I hope I am not very sore...

NO TV!!!

2007-02-05T13:59:00.000-05:00

I was at work one day a couple weeks ago when the gauntlet was thrown down. Someone said that I couldn't give up TV for 3 months. It sort of turned into a bet, only if I win I don't get anything. I don't know exactly when the last day of the thing is, but I think it's sometime in the middle of April. There are 2 major exceptions; I get to watch the Super Bowl which I did and enjoyed. It was a good game that the Bears should have won if Rex Grossman wasn't a leading candidate for the worst QB to start a Super Bowl. Second I get to watch March Madness.

I hadn't realized how many things in my life involved TV. When I eat at home with my dad, the TV is almost always on in the background. When I eat lunch at work, I watch The Price is Right. When I lay in bed at night falling asleep I usually have on Sports Center. Just today I was eating lunch by myself in my house and I had to make the decision not to turn on the TV several times. It's been maybe 2 or 3 weeks now, and it has really been a battle for integrity. Really the only person that can hold me accountable to this is myself. I could watch TV and no one would know. So far so good though...

One thing that has been really good is the amount of time I have spent reading. Now when I am getting ready for bed I am almost certain to have a QT instead of just watching TV. I mean I am pretty consistent about have QTs anyways, but now its like an automatic. I am also going back through some books that I have already read, and just looking for things that I have underlined in the past. So far it has been a really cool experience. I don't know if I was stay satisfied with my books for the whole time, but for now it is a nice retreat from the pervasiveness of the media.

Another thing that has been affected by this is my prayer life. I have noticed in the past when I have given things up that I am more likely to pray. Especially when I am desiring those things. I think God must find it so entertaining to watch me fumble through life thinking of Him when I want something or need help with something. I was thinking yesterday how funny it is for God to be all around us all the time. If God fills the space of this universe, which I believe He does, how funny is it that God is in the shower with us, int he air around our bed at night, sitting at the table with us while we eat. He must take an immeasurable joy from watching His creation in all our little habits and routines. How much more when we think of Him in it with us?

So no TV for a while. I think I will be able to make it. Most of the time it isn't even that tempting. Wish me luck.

John 10:10

2007-02-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

"Narrow is the mansion of my soul.
Enlarge it, so that You can enter.
It lies in ruins.
Repair it.

I know and confess that You will find corruption there that is offensive to Your eyes. But who else shall clean it? To whom can I cry except You? Lord, scrub away my secret faults. Save Your servant from the power of the enemy. Since I believe You, I call to You, Lord, for You alone know.

Haven't I given testimony of my sins to You? Haven't You forgiven the wickedness of my heart? I don't argue with Your judgment, for You are Truth. I fear my own self-deception, for my corrupt heart lies even to itself. I offer no defense against Your judgment, for if You, Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand?"

I re-read a part of "The Confession's of St. Augustine" and this particular passage really stuck out to me. This guy lived 1600 years ago, and the stuff he thought about God was so profound that it's still getting published. In this passage he is dealing with his sin. He is trying to come to terms with his insufficiencies in the face of a perfect creator and savior. It seems to me like if I walk with Christ long enough at different times the perfection of God in all His aspects from the viewpoint of my sinfulness if overwhelming. In light of that, a relationship between me and God is completely irrational. God is so much bigger, greater, absolute, complete, perfect, loving... than I give Him credit for. There is so much more to God than the cross. There is more offered than a ticket to Heaven when I die. I am so preoccupied with the forgiveness part of God's love that I forget about the abundant life part that comes too.

Yes I am a sinful person and need God's grace to cover my transgressions, but God offers me much more than forgiveness. I think there is more to being a Christian than just being forgiven and living a life full of jobs from God as a response to His forgiveness. If that where all there was to it, I would still gladly live that life, but think there is more to it. I think there is a practical side to God's love that is more prolific than granting us admission to heaven, more personal than empowering us to go do His ministry, more relational than me asking for things (forgiveness, grace, help, a new car...) and Him giving, there is more to it than that.

God has chosen us to be the method he reaches people through, but that's not what I think "abundant life" is about. Doing ministry is possibly a prerequisite for abundant life. It may be that by involving myself in God's Master Plan I unknowingly set myself up to experience God in a unique way. "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ." - Philemon 1:6 Being involved in what God is doing is definitely essential to having a close relationship with God. The Christian faith is not meant for remote monasteries, but for the world. I am called to look at Christ, but live in the world. Mark 16:15. And I can do so without fear of failure or rejection because Christ has overcome the world. John 16:33 It seems to me that if I can cast my trials on Christ, with faith, He can overcome them easily.

I look at the heroes of the faith (Hebrews 11), and I see a lot of them as having abundant life. One thing that they all had in common was a close relationship with God. In spite of their personal failures they are able to enter into an intimate relationship with God. They are able to share in His heart. As they become closer to God, He replaces their heart with His own. This is revealed throughout the old and New Testament in prophets and disciples. I want to be about praying for God to transform my heart, to build in me the desires that He has for my life. I want to see the world through His eyes and not my own.

One of the essential qualities of "abundant life" has to be a close relationship with God. But how does that work? I am the kind of person where I have accepted Christ into my life, and I pray, and do stuff I feel like God is telling me to do, and try to live life inside of Christian parameters, but somewhere I have missed something. I have not developed a close friendship with God. Yeah I do a lot of stuff and Christ has grown in me a ton in the last 5 years, but really am I a "friend" of God? Some parts of my life say I am close to God, and at times (especially lately) it has felt like God is near to me, but in general I feel separated from Him. I don't have the kind of relationship with God where I walk around seeing everything with God. I see lots of things with a self-centered mindset. I want to be in tune with what God is doing every day, not just in times of crisis.

I am not even sure I understand how being a friend of God should work. I feel like prayer or communication with God has to be a big part of it, but there also has to be an element of tuning yourself to hear what God is saying back. Friday at leadership we listened to a sermon by Corrie Ten Boom and hearing her talk about her faith made me want something like that. Like any relationship I think it takes a lot of effort to build and maintain. Perhaps even more-so because I am so prone to turn from God to other things. However, in spite of my shortcomings, I have to believe that God wants to know me intimately, to share life with me. I am convinced that there is a passionate interest in God's being that wants us to know who He is. All of recorded history points to His Son's death on the cross, there has to be more to that than just a stamp admitting us to heaven.

In Corrie Ten Boom's case she is absolutely reliant on the provision of God. Her reliance upon God for all her practical needs as well as her spiritual needs has built a relationship where she understand God's character better than most. She KNOWS God because of her extensive experience and reliance on exclusively who He is to sustain her. Because of her relationship with God she has experienced a great freedom from the burdens of this life. She has effectively cast the yoke of this life onto the Lord and learned to live in the freedom Christ bought for us both here and eternally. She experienced life to the fullest, her cup overflowed, she lived abundantly.

I think the first step to experiencing closeness with God, and through that, "abundant life", is coming to terms with my brokenness and need of a savior. I think embracing my weaknesses is the first thing I can do in learning to become reliant upon God. Casting the burden of my sin on Christ is key to experiencing the full life He bought for me. I have heard a lot about surrendering to God, but I may be finally experiencing what that is supposed to look like. At the very least I want to try to offer my everything. In my limited experience, if you try your best, God tends to meet you where you are. So I pray that I try my best, and God meets me in that.

Narrow is the mansion of my soul.
Enlarge it, so that You can enter.
It lies in ruins.
Repair it.

Deer Creek

2007-01-26T14:26:00.000-05:00

In a couple hours I am leaving for Deer Creek with Leah, Cat and possible a fourth. We are supposed to be stopping on the way up at some outlet malls to get some cheap clothes. Now generally I don't like shopping, however, I need some new clothes and I don't have a lot of money. With that in mind I am somewhat excited about the prospect of some new clothes. In addition to that I am excited about the weekend. The president of Young Life, Denny Rydberg, is the speaker and there are going to be like 700 people there. This thing is nuts. I have never before heard Denny talk, so I am interested to see how he comes across. I am expecting it to sound a little business man-ish, but that's all I have heard about him and only that from one source. I am excited to see how it goes. The other reason I am excited is because for some reason when I go on these weekends, something usually happens. God usually shows up and does something. i don't know if it's that the people speaking are just anointed or its the fellowship, or the time not working, or just that I go with the expectation that God is going to show up. Bottom line though, is that something usually happens and I am excited about that. So I won't be around until late Sunday night, I don't know for sure what time we will be getting back on Sunday, but whatever it is I am sure I will have to go straight to work. I guess most of the people that have a reason to read this have a pretty high chance of actually being ont he weekend too. Maybe I'll see you there...

The Next Generation Leader

2007-01-26T14:05:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I finished reading "The Next Generation Leader" by Andy Stanley. It is a book that talks about the different principles involved in becoming a leader. He identifies 5 categories of things that are essential to good leadership, and gives a lot of practical and biblical examples. I would say in general Andy knows what he's talking about and conveys it pretty well, but he's not a fantastic author, he's just good. However, this book was especially good for me because it caused me to take a closer look at myself. My friends say that I have a really low self awareness. I just don't see myself the way that I actually am. This book caused me to stop and really think hard about who I am, and who I want to become. I learned so much about my strengths and weaknesses and how to play towards things I am good at. Older people I know have told me that I am a natural leader, I don't see it. I think people follow natural leaders, and in my opinion, no one is following me. As I get older I hope that I grow into someone who is worthy of following. I thought of a few qualities that I want to be really important to me for the rest of my life. These are my non-negotiables. Things I want to have in spite of the cost...

I want to have great integrity.

I want to be honest and truthful.

I want to be faithful.

I want to be broken.

I want to be full of grace and compassion.

I want to be transparent.

Obviously I have a long way to go towards some of those, and could be much better at all of them. This is just a place to start. I am identifying the direction I want my character to move. I am sure that I cannot get there, however, without some help from the people around me. I need people to tell me when I am not these things. This is not an open invitation to tear me apart when I fail, but I would like constructive criticism. I am interested in growing in Christ. I want to understand the love of Christ better all the time. Lacking self awareness I especially need people to help me see places where I am missing the plank in my own eye.

Critalize

2007-01-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

Yeah Critalize, it's not a typo. I know its not a word really, but I invented it when I was in high school and I think it is appropriate for what is currently happening in my life. The best place to start would be with a definition.

Critalize- (v) the action or of both analyzing and criticizing a subject at the same time.

Critalizing is something I am currently doing to myself with some help from some friends. I am trying to carve out my weaknesses. I want to know just what they are. I am learning to play to my strengths, and part of that is learning to avoid my areas of weakness. The more energy I put into this, the more I discover just how profoundly damaged I am. I really try to do things right, I try to grow, I put a ton of effort into growing and becoming more Christ like. Somehow though I manage to miss by an obscene margin. The short list of major problems I have is not good.

1.) I am very self focused, I love making things about me. I want people to think I am better, smarter, faster, more spiritual, basically that I do everything right. Now I know that no one can actually do that, and that none of the people around me are doing that, but for some reason I will not allow myself to be know as bad at something. it's not an option. I have to be good at everything in the eyes of everyone. It's all about me and how great I am. now people that know me well know that I am becoming better at admitting my shortcomings and working towards being ok with those things, but I have a forever long way to go.

2.) I am arrogant. Now its not all that harmful tot the people around you to be arrogant at most things. It may be damaging to relationships, and annoying, but really its not all that harmful for me to gloat about being good at something to people. Where it is very dangerous and potentially harmful is when I am arrogant about my knowledge in Christ, especially when i don't really know what I am talking about. It's just another instance of me wanting people to think that I know more than I do. The truth is that I know scripture, at least the words, well enough to make a lot of people think I actually understand a great deal of it. Looking at my relationships and different instances where I go to scripture to make a point, I am ashamed at the number of times I have used scripture to prove something when I may not have actually known the right answer. That's not healthy, in fact that's just sinful. I need to work on being more humble in things and more ok with my brokenness, especially when it comes to sharing the words of God.

3.) I am dishonest. Any of my close friends will tell you that most of what I say is not to be taken seriously, and a great deal of my friends will just call me a liar. Most of the not true things come from me trying to inflate other peoples opinions of myself. I will say that I have gotten much better about this, but at the same time I will say that I have a long way to go.

Here's the big deal though. I really want to change. I don't want to be those things anymore. I want to be done with it. I need Christ to come fix me. I can't do it by myself. I realize that all of the things I mentioned above all point to the same major cause, I am insecure. I am just not confidant that the regular un-inflated me will be enough for people. I doubt myself. I know all the reasons why not to be like this. I've had Galations 1:10 memorized for like 4 years, I know that it's insulting to God to say that I am not enough the way He made me, I know that no one's perfect and that I don't need to be all the things I try to be or try to make people think I am. I am just not ok with myself. I feel like there are all these things I need to fix before I can let people in. I want to have "mature struggles" before I can share the immature struggles that I am fighting with now.

So I am working on letting Christ come and fix me. I don't exactly know how to do that except praying and trying, but I want to change. Maybe its wrong to even want all the stuff to go away, maybe I just need to embrace my own brokenness and live like that. I don't know how all this is supposed to work, but I want something to happen. I am done living in this cycle that doesn't have an end.

Freedom Writers

2007-01-22T23:37:00.000-05:00

This past Friday was an awesome day...First all the new leaders got placed across the city. It's so exciting for me to watch all of them, especially the ones I've gotten to know, as they prepare to go. Its such a sharp learning curve during the first year of leading that they will learn to see Christ in a whole new light. After placement a bunch of us went out to eat and then to a movie. When we got to the theater we decided on Freedom Writers. It was so good. It's the best movie I've seen in theaters in a long time. It's made even more incredible because it's a true story. So I highly recommend it to anyone interested in going to see a movie.

Baptism

2007-01-19T00:07:00.000-05:00

In my small group last Wednesday night we where going through Acts 1 & 2. The whole topic of Baptism and its importance came up, and I learned that I am pretty unsure of what I actually think about a pretty major biblical idea. Turns out there are very few verses about baptism in the New Testament. In one instance Peter commands a group of 3000 new believers to "go, be baptized and receive the Holy Spirit. "(Acts 2:36-37) Another place it says. "I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire." (Luke 3:16) So in one case it looks like a Biblical command that once you accept Christ you need to go get baptized, in the other, it seems like after Christ dies and the Holy Spirit comes we don't have to worry about it anymore. Based on the criminal crucified next to Christ and Christ's statement "Today you will be with me in paradise, (I don't understand this anyways because Christ didn't ascend for 3 days)," (Luke 23:43) it doesn't seem like Baptism is necessary for salvation. Other verses to support that are numerous, but there an example of one. On the flip side Baptism clearly has a major significance. "As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove." (Mark 1:10) This has two points of note, first that Jesus got baptized. Second, that something big happened because Jesus got baptized. These two thing make baptism seem really important, but it could be the exception because Jesus was God.

So I've read a lot about this and talked to some people and I can't really find anyone willing to take a hard line stance on this. What is the point of Baptism? Is it merely an outward symbol of an internal change, or is it something more than that? I hope some one reads this that can clarify. Maybe this is just one of those things that its better to be safe with and just go ahead and get baptized if you've committed your life to Christ. I certainly don't see a risk in it, except maybe getting excommunicated if you where sprinkled as a baby....

matt

Learning

2007-01-16T02:09:00.000-05:00

I haven't written anything on here lately. It's not that I haven't wanted to or haven't had anything on my mind, just that the things that have been consuming my thoughts are not yet public stuff. In a few months, after everything is worked out, I'll post some ex scripts from my journal. I will say now that these past few weeks have been an incredible time of struggle and growth for me. It's almost seems like an axiom of faith that you learn things most readily during times of struggle. I can't really remember many things that I've learned while life was easy for me, but if I look back, there always seems to be a lesson when things are hard, always something God is trying to teach me, a situation He is trying to draw my attention towards. It continues to amaze me how far God is willing to go in pursuit of our undivided attention. I have heard in sermons from many different pastors and church leaders about things like self sacrifice, obedience, prayer, righteousness, ethics, the list goes on, but I think really it comes down to looking at God. If on a daily basis I face God, all the rest of the things sort of fall into place. More than ever I am convicted by my need for grace. I am currently reading the book Calvary Road by Roy Hession, I think I read it first during training for Work Crew in 2004, anyways it has a great passage that sums up how I feel right now.

"Revival is just the life of the Lord Jesus poured into human hearts. Jesus is always victorious. In Heaven they are praising Him all the time for His victory. Whatever may be our experience of failure and barrenness may be, He is never defeated. His power is boundless. And we, on our part, have only to get into a right relationship with Him and we shall see His power being demonstrated in our hearts and lives and service, and His victorious life will fill us and overflow through us to others. And that is revival in its essence."

I recommend the whole book. The point of this is that looking at Christ and being together in a relationship with Him is the only way to do the other stuff. The reason being a checklist Christian doesn't work is because you can't quantify Christ. There is not list of things to do that guarantee a relationship with Him. However, if you daily surrender your heart to Christ, the other things happen naturally. The way we live our lives does not dictate our relationship with Christ, but it is our relationship with Christ that dictates our lives. I think its a good idea to know about the many facets of Christianity, it's a good practice to read books and keep up with what's going on in the faith. Being intellectual about our faith is not a bad thing, but it is essential that knowing things does not get in the way of experiencing grace. I am the first to admit that I try really hard to read lot of things and be smart, but I am beginning to realize that, though it can be beneficial, thinking I know things has in many ways kept me from knowing the love of Christ. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I want to be humble. I want to lift others up with my words and actions instead of tearing people down. For so long I just didn't see the benefit of consistently encouraging the people around me, and I am sorry for that. Living an encouraging lifestyle is something that I wanted to be committed to changing in my life. I have a lot of work to do to become someone like that, but I can no longer continue to discourage. Its just not who I want to be.

In another area I am learning something else about God. God is big....way big. Today I listened to a message by Andy Stanley (I'm not computer savy enough to put in the flash link) from North Point Community Church about asking big things of God and I realized it something I rarely do. It was particularly focused towards young people that haven't yet figured out all the stuff that can easily take up a lot of time (families, careers, ect). Anyways he talked about the idea of having a big dream for life, and how asking big, even impossible things of God is in a way honoring to Him. He said that God is consistent in answering prayers that people repeatedly and continuously prayed for for a long time. Prayers like "give us the city." (the Vineyard) Too often I pray for things that in the long run will just take care of themselves. Not that praying for the minutia is bad, but there has to be big prayers as well. God is big, and he likes being faithful to people who ask big things of Him. God likes revealing His power to people as a witness through our faithfulness, more often we need to be giving Him the opportunity to do that.

The more I think about this Big Prayer thing the more I see it reflected in scripture. Moses prayed in the east for 40 years before God sent him back for His people, Daniel prayed every day for years in oppression before he got the opportunity to talk to the king, Nehemiah prayed for an impossible dream before God engineered the rebuilding of the city walls, Ester and Mordichi prayed for 4 years before she was elected Queen, Habakukk prays for the redemption of his people multiple times before God responds...the list includes many of the prophets in the old testament and almost every instance of a miracle in the new testament. When people pray with all their hearts for impossible things to happen in the name of Christ, more often than not, God is faithful. How many of us Christians are a result of someone who understood this idea and as a result prayed for us when our salvation seemed impossible. I know I am. So I am asking myself now what it is that God has put on my heart to be faithful in prayer for. I am asking God what He is waiting to reveal himself to the world through me in.

I want to say again though that the biggest thing I am learning now is grace. I have been a Christian for almost 5 years now and the most important thing I have learned so far is something I knew in the first few minutes, Grace.

Christmas Review

2006-12-25T22:42:00.000-05:00

This week has been nuts! I spent most of the last week at the Vineyard. We had the play on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday then regular church stuff on the weekend plus the Donut Outreach Sunday night. The play was so so, I mean I don't really know what the point of the play is supposed to be at VCC, so it's a little hard to evaluate how it went. One if the staff people asked me about it and I told them i thought it was OK. He asked me what I thought the point of the play should be, I told him that we should somehow tell the story of Christ. By the story of Christ I mean how people are hopelessly separated from God without the redemption offered by Christ in His death on the cross. It could be my Young Life background talking here, but doesn't it just make sense that if you have a church full of people who ordinarily wouldn't go to church, to talk about Jesus in an evangelical manner. Anyways the play came and went as did the rest of the weekend leading to the donut outreach on Sunday night. This outreach is one of my favorite outreaches of the year. I love the opportunity to make someone feel really special, especially when it takes almost no effort. You really get to see God do some amazing things, because honestly a box of Krispy Cream donuts sucks and God has to overcome that, and He does, and its incredible. I took one box to CVS and one box to Wings and Rings both in Milford. No breathtaking stories this year, but who knows what God may do with it. We aren't commanded to make things incredible, we are just commanded to go.

After the donut outreach I met my mom's side of the family at my grandma's United Methodist Church in Perintown. It was about as radically different from the Vineyard as anything could be. First of all the pastor, her name is Naomi, knew the names of everyone there, even the people who don't normally go and just came with family. The church only actually has like 19 members and for the choir performance 10 of the members left the pews to go sing in front. It was awesome. Another awesome thing was the "congregational choice" hymnal. Naomi asked the congregation what we wanted to sing and some ladies in the back had one already picked out. The best part was that she really convicted the audience to think about where they stand with Christ. It wasn't threatening or awkward at all it was just good.

The most disappointing part of the weekend was the Bengals game. I didn't see the game or the highlights, but I heard about it...and that was enough. I don't know how it happens, it's just not our year. Now I have the dolphins game on int he background which sort of depends whether we have a chance to go to the playoffs or not. It's just a bad situation for us. We have on of the best teams in the NFL, and we lost a lot of games that we should have won and here we are likely not going to the playoffs. It just makes me sick. Baseball starts in 2 months...

Tonight I went to a party with my dad's side of the family. It was a very predictable experience. The same stuff always happens at events with that side of the family. People always get the same gifts, we eat the same food, we sit in the same arrangement, and talk about the same things. I still like it though, it a piece of familiar in a world of change for me. I got some sweet gifts, this year. I got a soccer jersey from my cousin, a gun case from my uncle, and a bunch of other really cool stuff. I am usually not about gifts, but this year I liked them a lot because people actually took time to get me stuff that I will use. They put more thought into it than usual, and it was great. So that's pretty much it. I hope all of you have a fantastic Christmas as well. Have fun back at work tomorrow, I know I will.

matt

Dead Jesus

2006-12-21T00:21:00.000-05:00

Today at work I was part of a conversation about what exactly went on for the three days between Jesus' crucification and his resurrection. The Bible, as far as I know, doesn't have a lot on the subject. I personally am of the philosophy that nothing happened. Jesus was just dead. There is another perspective that has Jesus in an epic battle against Satan himself in Hell where Jesus wins of course because he is God. This can somewhat be supported if you consider that Christ had to pay the price for our sins which may include going to Hell. Its all a little fuzzy though because he lived a perfect life and took on our sins. He fully owned them, but they where fully ours also, and in truth, still belong to us until we give them up to him. So what actually happened? I am going to start a little research on the subject to see what classical theologians thought. I hope that someone smarter than me has some contributions to make on this subject, otherwise I'm in trouble...

matt

Trouble

2006-12-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

Today I got called out on some stuff. It's not unusual for me to get called out on something. I mean, let's face it, I screw up a lot of stuff. I have noticed in thinking about it that there are a couple ways to screw stuff up. You can do something wrong out of ignorance, or you can do something wrong deliberately. I think doing something wrong out of ignorance is much more ok, unless maybe the ignorance was due to arrogance. (like doing something you know you don't know anything about without finding anything out.) Then there is doing something wrong in a completely deliberate fashion. (like lying to your mom) So I am commonly guilty of both of these, however I would like to think that I am less commonly being belligerently wrong.

In situations when my wrongness is brought to my attention I am generally pretty good about just taking it and doing something pro active to fix the problem. I don't like wrongness especially when I am the cause so its reasonable for me to try to avoid it. I take rebuke as well as anyone, though sometimes, I just don't like it. I get defensive and start making excuses for what I am doing instead of just admitting my mistake, apologizing, and taking steps to prevent myself from doing it again. I understand the idea of consequences for sins, and I don't like often dealing with them, but its part of screwing up. What I don't understand is why I get that defensive thing. It doesn't make any sense, its just dumb and doesn't help. Even in understanding that I still want to make excuses and try to justify myself in my actions. Its just not worth it most of the time. I have a long way to go in understanding the loving discipline of God. Anyways, I am going to try to learn how to better accept being wrong, its about time I get used to it because I am wrong as often as anyone.

Not of me but through me

2006-12-14T23:46:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night was the Holiday Dinner for Mt. Healthy Young Life. It was supposed to be one of our biggest events of the year. It was supposed to be a great opportunity to meet new kids and share the Gospel with everyone who came. It was supposed to be a big encouragement to me and Leah that we could build on as we go into the new semester and start with fresh leaders...It was supposed to be a lot of things according to me. It wasn't any of the things I planned it to be. I spent 3 weeks in communication with 20 people coordinating food and kitchen help and rides, making fliers for the school, getting kids excited about it, scheduling it with the church, and preparing a club talk. In the end the food was great, but only three kids showed up. One of the kids was a kid I took to fall weekend where he accepted Christ, and the other two where kids that had been coming around as long as I have. We ended up (by we I really mean Bunny) went and found a group of older women meeting at the church to eat all the food and take leftovers home. This turned out to be pretty cool because we got to tell them all about YL, and it was hilarious because they were meeting at the church for a weight watchers group. So it ended and the left over stuff was wrapped up and taken up to some leaders at Miami up late studying for exams. I mean all the food got eaten, just not by Mt. Healthy kids. Now I have been on staff at a church for to long to not think about how things could have been different/better, at the Vineyard this would be called and outflow meeting.

Its been a couple days now and I've had a little time to reflect on what happened. First I want to say that I really believe that the kids God wanted there, where there. I believe that in my head at least, but I also believe that there is always something that I can personally do better in ministry to allow God to be seen more clearly in my life/actions. So what could have been different?

1.) I could have gone to the school more to tell kids about it, but I got really sick the week before and could only go Monday and Friday that week. Then on Tuesday, the day of, they had a rushed release fire drill and I wasn't allowed in the school. So not being in the school enough may have had some effect on what happened.

2.) We were unlucky in the availability of the church and had to schedule the dinner the same night as a home basketball game. I heard that not very many kids went to the game either though, but that may have had something to do with it.

3.) We don't have a regular set of events for kids to participate in, and because of that we don't have kids that can be active in getting other kids excited about what we are doing. We are in a situation where, because we don't have anything to be involved in, kids are less and less likely to participate in the events that we do have. We are not established. Brandon has long said that many kids in Mt. Healthy lack the communication skills necessary to allow them to maintain healthy relationships. I mean I see it all the time. I am almost sure if I stopped calling kids, even kids I've known the whole time I have been a leader, we just wouldn't talk ever again. They wouldn't call me, it would just be over. It is possible that the phenotype for this is consistent relational failure in kids lives. That makes leading a relational ministry fairly difficult.

4.) I often say if you want to see something happen, find out what God is doing and do that because its going to be successful. There are many things that I have seen God do in Mt. Healthy this year; from Mr. Sawyers, to my coaching job with Jim Tenzing, to 3 kids coming to know Christ, to the growing support of several faculty members at the school. At the same time though there are many things I have seen fall apart this year. We don't have campaigners, and with the kids I know, it's not going to happen anytime soon. Club is out of the question for now. Still there is something vastly different in this year's Thanksgiving Dinner than there has been in the past. There have always been close to 50 kids at the dinner if not more, and this year there where three. It could be that God wanted us to get to know those little old ladies that meet at the church every week, or that he just isn't about big events for now and just wants us to be faithful in going to meet kids, I don't know the answer to that. I honestly don't know what God is up to in Mt. Healthy. I am sure that He wants his children to know Him, and that He has called me to be a part of that.

So what now? Ok so we had an event that sort of sucked, and because I put a ton of work into it and was fairly invested I am pretty upset that it didn't go well. I feel responsible and because I am the leader, I am ashamed that I had so many people do so much work cooking food and clearing there schedules and showing up to help, all for 3 kids. I could have just as easily got pizza for three kids, or baked a chicken at my house and had the same effect. I have a hard enough time asking people for things, it is wretched for me to ask people for help and them help for such a small result. I need to get over all this because its not how God thinks.

I've had my two days to be mad at God. I don't know if I am allowed two days, but that's what I am giving myself. Now I just need to get over it and go back to doing what I am called to do, go and love kids. I am sure there will be events in the future that fail, or at least aren't what they are supposed to be according to me... I think that's maybe the real issue here. All the time I am making myself way to important in things. Andy Stanley calls it the "If I don't, it won't philosophy." Somehow, I look past my humanness and the fact that God is in control of stuff and not me, and I start making my own plans and seeing my own vision and not God's. That's bad and I need to work on keeping my focus on fulfilling God's plan and not my own. I actually don't know what God's plan looks like, but it is certainly about Him and not about me.

Leah and I had a meeting with Kolia the other day, and Kolia told me that I have grown a lot in wisdom. He may be right, but I just feel like I don't have any for sure answers anymore. Most things that where once black and white to me have become very Grey. I still feel strongly about many things, I just don't know what I am supposed to think anymore. I just feel clueless when it comes to ministry. Its not all bad, the more clueless I feel, the more likely I am to rely on God than on myself. That's a good place to be I think, uncomfortable but good. That bring up a whole new topic. another thing Kolia brought up in our meeting was the fact that we are going to get 2 new leaders this January.

I am really scared of that because as I said above, I have no idea what I am doing in ministry. I have nothing to plug new leaders into. I can't bring them to campaigners and introduce them to kids that can show them around the school or introduce them to some kids of their own. All I have for them is some geographical knowledge of Mt. Healthy and a lot of prayers. They would be just as good with the NLT manual in a new school as they are with my help. Kolia pointed out the most understated deficiency of my life maybe when he asked what we had to offer the new leaders and the answer was Christ. That's really all we have. With that in mind I am realizing that being in a position of only having Christ to rely on is a common thing in ministry. I am terrified that I am going to screw it all up for the new leaders, that they are going to watch me lead the way I do, and learn how to do it that way, and that I am doing it all wrong so they will be too. I'll effectively ruin a couple of potentially good leaders. See how I make myself too important... It's interesting to me how often I am quick to look at myself for abilities and answers in life when I should be looking to God. Then when my resources are used up (doesn't take much) I am quick to be like "God come help me fix this." I don't understand why I do that. So anyways there's a bunch of crap out of my head and into writing so I can stop thinking about it hopefully. The summation of all this is just that I should, and will, go back to WITH GOD'S HELP GOING AND LOVING KIDS.

Government Funding of Evangelism

2006-12-09T16:31:00.000-05:00

This article is pretty self explanitory about what's happening and how it got to this point. I found it on the front page of the Times Buisiness section today. It doesn't talk very much about the programs themselves (specifically the jail ministries), but it does have a lot to say about a variety of cases where people are using my tax money to tell people about Christ.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/10/business/10faith.html?_r=1&ref=business&oref=slogin

Christmas Party

2006-12-09T01:20:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the annual YL Christmas Party. This year it was held at a new location due to the much smaller size of our leadership this year. Instead of having it at a giant house this year we had it at the Lutow's. I know this is a side note here, but I have to talk for a second about the Lutows.

The Lutows are quickly becoming like a second family to me. They feed me as much if not more than my own family, they support me, they tell me when I am screwing up and love me anyways, and most of all they just care about me. It's just awesome to be cared for, and even more awesome when you are aware enough about what's going on to notice that you are cared for. So I just love them, Kolia, Liz, Kate and Julia are very close people to my heart. I don't do nearly enough to show or tell them that, but it's true all the same.

Anyways the party was at their house. It was as usual a good time, I mean imagine a bunch of people who love to hang out all cooped up together int he same house. Sounds like a recipe for success to me. The was general talking and eating and merriment the whole night with one huge big thing int he middle. The White Elephant gift exchange. This thing is awesome for real. It works by everyone bringing a wrapped gift and putting them all in a pile. Then everyone gets a number from 1 to however many people brought a gift. Then you sit around and one by one pick presents from the pile or steal one from someone else. In the case of stealing the person who got robbed gets to have the choice of stealing or picking from the pile and it goes on like that till all the gifts are gone. Obviously its better to have one of the last spots because you get to see most of the gifts and pick the one that you really want. I ended up with a sweet DVD the Patriot with Mel Gibson which I am really happy with. The best gift was a Best Buy gift card for $25 which Leah ended up with meaning basically Team Mt. Healthy dominated the White Elephant Gift Exchange. I also got to see some people that I love and don't commonly get to see, mainly Stevie! She's a fantastic lady. So all in all it was a good experience and I am glad I went.

Sickness

2006-12-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

I haven't really posted anything int he alst few days. That's because I have been really really sick. Not just sore throat headache sick, I mean the virus in your stomach sick. In two days I've lost 15 pounds I bet. I ate lunch today, it was the first thing I've really eaten since Monday night. I have been trying to drink a lot, keeping hydrated is important to getting better from sickness or so I am told. it was particularly poor timing as I have an exam tomorrow and for the majority of the week have not really been able to focus my eyes to read long enough to accomplesh anything. I couldn't even really watch TV. I would just fall asleep for a while only to wake up and throw up something that wasn't there to throw up. It was rough. i think now though that I am mostly out of the woods. I am just very weak still, probably because I haven't eaten very much. So tonight I will try to study as much as I can before I fall asleep.

I will say one thing though, being sick made me stop. I didn't do anything for 2 1/2 days I really did nothing. I didn't go anywhere, I didn't talk to anyone, I just stayed home and rested. I didn't have a choice really, but still it was a needed break. I'd like to say that my break starts next week and I'd have rested then, but I wouldn't have. I had a lot of time to think about stuff going on around me, and it was that wierd kind of half conscious thought you have when your really sick. I was more able to look at things objectively than I usually am. One thing I noticed was that though I am much better at being gracious and considerate of other people I am still not great at it. I still do things that frustrate people and don't even realize it. The second thing I noticed is that I still care way to much what people think about me and what I am doing. I should be living my life for Christ and no other reason, to often I find myself pursueing lots of other things. Maybe the last big thing that I realized is that I am a good friend. I will pretty much do anything for my friends. I am good at being self sacraficing in friend relationships. My words may not always be the right ones, but more often than not my actions back me up.

My big worry right now is the Holiday Dinner that we are doing for Mt. Healthy kids next Tuesday. I am pretty sure that we are going to have plenty of food, and that all the organizational stuff is going to work itself out. Thing thing I am nervous about is kids. Once again I am making myself to improtant in this, but I haven't been able to go up to the school at all this week. Monday I had exams and the rest of the week I have been sick. Now I am leaving for work. So really I only get Friday and Monday to recruit kids to come. That makes me nervous. I am sure that God is big, and all the kids that he wants to be there will be. I am just not ok with my lack of control in that and I should be. If I can just make it through tueday I'll be fine. Sweet action

Suffering

2006-12-02T01:15:00.000-05:00

Today at Leadership for Young Life we talked about the idea of suffering as mentioned in Romans 5. One of the questions brought up was do we actually suffer. I think that is a hard question to answer. I mean in my life I think there are hardships. I point to things like a lack of financing, packed schedule, leading an urban ministry...ect. When I really think about it though I don't have much to say when compared with people like Corrie Ten Boom, Hudson Taylor, Detrick Boenehoffer, Paul, any of the apostles, foreign missionaries in hostile countries, I mean there are people out there actually suffering for the Gospel. When I look at the "hardships" in my life when compared with those actual hardships I feel a little lame. Still all the same I am called to stretch my faith by trusting God more and more with the risks I am willing to take. If that means being more bold in presenting the Gospel or reaching out to kids I normally wouldn't, I am called all the same to be justified by my faith in action. Maybe this time of small trials is a period of preparation for me to face larger trials later, regardless of whether it is or not I am still called to be faithful to the Lord in the position of being uncomfortable that I may experience. I think suffering may really be relative. Someone who is consistently fed 3 meals a day might think only eating one meal a day to be a great hardship whereas someone who eats regularly one meal a day might think that not suffering at all, maybe even a blessing. When it comes to real suffering it's a question of perspective. If I am convinced that this earth is not my home and I am only here to visit and do the work of God diligently while I am here then maybe I need to adjust my perspective of suffering a little bit. I should expect things to be hard here because I am living in a broken world whose prince is Satan himself. How much should I really expect from a place like that?

Football

2006-11-30T23:40:00.000-05:00

The football awesomeness for the week started last night. I went down to UC to play Ultimate Frisbee (because that's what we do on Wednesday nights) and there were a bunch of people there. We started passing around a football and when everyone got there I asked how many people wanted to play football instead. It was voted that we should play football 10 out of 11. It was so fun. I learned a lot about some of my friends most importantly of all, like Cat Wade, Jen Biller is a force to be reckoned with. I was returning a kick near the sideline and she was running sort of angularly towards me. I slowed down because I thought she was going to just push me out of bounds. Turns out she actually had in mind to hurt me...I got flipped on my back from a running forward position. I am sore from many different things that happened, but maybe none more than that. Derek got knocked out making a huge 4th down play that virtually ended the game. he didn't remember anything that happened after that last night. It was sort of funny how he kept asking how he got places and what happened. So it was totally awesome even though my team lost by 2. That's really how it should have ended considering they had 6 people to our 5, but it didn't really matter who won because it was so fun. I was really surprised that so many people were willing to play football. Excellent time indeed. Oh then it was capped off by Stephanie buying us all dinner after that because some how she had 50 meal plan tickets left with a week to go in the quarter.

To end the week here would be fine, but tonight the Bengals played the ravens. I personally was pretty nervous for the game. The Ravens have looked really good this year, and we needed to win or they clinched the division. It was an awesome game indeed. I mostly only got to see the second half but it was fantastic. Who knew the Bengals could play defense? So now we are 7-5 and for the moment the number one contender for the AFC wild card spot. Thats important because unless we get help, even if we win out we still shouldn't win the division. I look for Denver to struggle with the Jay Cutler break in period, and it remains to be seen if Trent Green still has a bruised brain or not. who knew that Robert Geathers may yet have had the biggest impact of anyone on our hopes for the playoffs. Jacksonville is the team that scares me. We shall see. I am excited for the long break for the Bengals, I really hope they get it together during that time so that we can win out the season. We really only have one major hump, the Colts, left int he season. I think the Denver game will be close because of there D, but we will win in the end. Pittsburgh and Oakland just SUCK. That's it for tonight I am just pleased with the win for now.

Big Scary Question

2006-11-26T01:29:00.000-05:00

So it's officially the Holiday Season. People are out shopping, there are massive advertising campaigns bombarding our lives everywhere we go, the weather, though not bad yet, will soon be beyond brutal in Cincinnati, less and less people are in classes (including myself), the playoff picture is beginning to clear in the NFL (not for the Bengals), everyone is soon to be pissed again that there is no playoff system for college football, traffic is awful, it sucks to have to cut the grass that one last time, you know the drill... Its the exact same set of things that happens every year at this time. Personally I love the holidays! I get a chance to be on semi-vacation. For a three week period this year starting December 9th I only have to work, no school on top of it. Also I usually get some gifts from people, nothing big, but people see Christmas at least as a good opportunity to say some nice things about each other. I know it's lame, but I like the warm fuzzy feeling from hearing people that love me tell me so. Along with that I like the opportunity to get some stuff for people that will make them happy. My sister and I started teaming up on gifts about 2 years ago for both our parents and grandparents. It makes it easier for us to brainstorm and if we pool our limited funds we can buy something a little nicer for people. I think this year we are going to try and do framed pictures of us together for our grandparents, and some of those fleecy blankets with the tied together edges with our college prints on each side for our parents. I read somewhere that the average household is expected to spend around $780 on gifts this year for Christmas...that's crazy. Then there is all the politically correct nonsense that goes on. It's no longer acceptable to say the Christmas season. Even though it is still a national holiday and recognized by everyone alive on earth, its politically incorrect to talk about it. Who are we kidding? It is interesting to me how silly some of the things people are willing to get upset over. I heard on the radio the other day that there was actually a court case where it was decided that a burrito can not be considered a sandwich and is in fact not a sandwich but something entirely different. Are you SERIOUS?!?!?

I am confident that I am a contributing member to a society that is as far from biblical principles as any society has ever been. It really worries me that there is so much corruption in the US right now. I mean we pretty much have the trademarks of every major corruption that the Bible talks about. Worshiping false idols, worshiping other gods, prostitution, gluttony, adultery, homosexuality, dishonest political leaders, let alone political leaders that aren't men and women of God, greed, idleness, the list is endless. Our redeeming factor may be that we have a lot of churches, organizations and people that are fighting hard to reduce the problem. It brings up something I am personally confused about. In the Old Testament we get a picture of a God who, when things turn away from him, slowly gets angry, and then does something to remind his people that they need to look at Him. In the New Testament we see a gracious God who is all about meeting us where we are and working with us as we try to figure out how to live broken lives while following the leadership of Christ. I have to try to remember that we are dealing with the same God though, he never changes... So at what point does God get upset enough with our, as a society, general disinterest in living lives worthy of our calling to do something about it? At the heart of this question is another that I am more afraid of. When God looks at my life, am I part of what he's getting upset about or part of what is keeping him from being more upset? Sure I get a lot of things right, but I get a lot of things wrong too, and probably more of the latter. I think its hard to even maintain an accurate picture of what is right and wrong because of the standard being so far from acceptable. Kolia told leadership once that it is important to stay as far from crossing the line as possible, not to try to get as close as possible without getting in trouble. I don't have an answer to either question, all I can do is try to use the opportunities given me to the best of my ability. I think I am rambling now, and have definitely strayed from the idea of holiday season, but this is a question worth thinking about. The love of Christ is the Greatest Gift, and it deserves the ultimate response.

Football and Turkey

2006-11-24T16:37:00.000-05:00

Today is the day after my favorite day of the year. Yesterday was so great for me. I slept in, I was supposed to run in the 10k race downtown, but instead I just slept till 11. My dad, my sister and I went to my Grandma's house for the feast. I just love Thanksgiving Dinner. The only thing that could have been better about yesterday is that Denver and Kansas City should have played on network TV. It was the only good game. Tampa Bay is a joke this season even if Joey Galloway is still awesome. There defense sucks, there offense sucks, there coach sucks...it's just all bad down there. To make it worse Dallas is playing like the best team in the NFC right now. With Romo showing that he could be another Hall of Fame QB from Dallas, and the TO controversy all but silenced. It looks to me like Parcels has another chance to take a team to the Super Bowl this February. Back to the fact though, Dallas vs Tampa Bay was a joke yesterday. A better game, but only because both teams are equally bad was the Miami vs Lions game. Kitna is having a career year, but with no supporting cast. Joey Harrington is so streaky its ridiculous. I think Miami's season is over depending on the severity of Brown's hand injury. So basically I am upset that the games on TV yesterday were pretty terrible, other than that it was a fantastic day though. Oh one last thing, the Madden curse is real and I will be so upset when they put LT on the cover next year. I hope he declines it. So that's it for me today, not much of substance really, I hope you all had a wonderful day off in the fabulous weather as I did.

Beautiful Scandelous Night

2006-11-23T04:52:00.000-05:00

I am dead tired, but this day has been somewhat ridiculous. Some might say "worst day ever," I say most eventful day ever. Today was longer than day 2 of Young Life Camp, longer than James Bonar's 4 hours engineering class, longer than, than, than something really long. Lets start in the beginning...I woke up today with Derek and James sleeping on the floor in my room at 8:30, they left for class and I went back to sleep briefly. After running some errands and changing a load of laundry left over from fall weekend I get a phone call from Derek, we are supposed to go to one of our friends houses in Westchester for some turkey and turkey sides dishes. He tells me that he is at the marathon at the Michel exit and his car is over heating or something. So I drive down to get him and we check out his car. He has either a cracked head or a blown head gasket. If it's a cracked head we are blowing up his car on December 8. If it's a blown head gasket we are taking it to Hamilton and rebuilding the engine. So anyways we decide that if we load it up with antifreeze it can make it to my house. After getting to my house we leave for Lora's in Westchester to try to recover a little bit while eating some delicious turkey. It was good except for they ran out of turkey, I got like one bite and Derek didn't get any. Around 5:30 we decided to head back home since we were going to watch Marshall at UC starting at 7. When we get to my house to pick up stuff for my soccer game later we get a call from the girl who has organized this Marshall thing and she tells us that she got it wrong and they aren't showing the movie. She is staying home and going to bed and Leah, the other girl we were going to hang out with, is going to her house in Fairfield. So whatever, except that Shohn is already in Clifton waiting to find out what we are going to do. We decide to drive down there and eat some Chipotle while we figure out what we are going to do. I had a soccer game at 8:45 so they decide to come watch me play soccer and hang out. At this point I am still fairly excited. We are maybe the number one team in our league and tonight we were playing the likely contender for that spot. It should have been a good game, except most of our team went home for the holiday and I guess most of their team didn't. Long story short we were winning till they did there first line change, then it was a losing battle from then on. We just got tired and sloppy, it was an embarrassment really, I won't speak more on that. After the game we go down to Newport to watch Happy Feet, which is awesome if you haven't seen it, with another one of our friends. After Happy Feet, we all go to the Skyline in Newport to recover a little bit from the events of the day. At this point I am think that everything is winding down. I'll take Shohn and Derek back this Shohn's car and I'll drive home, I'll get home around 3 and go to sleep. That just wasn't to be. When I finally drive back to Clifton and drop them off I get about half way home on 71 before my phone rings. It was Derek, Shohn had lost the key to his car! So I drive back to Clifton, again, to pick them up. When we decide that his key isn't in my car and can't be found anywhere I get nominated to drive them all the way to Shohn's house in Hamilton to pick up a spare key and then drive them all the way back to Clifton. An hour later I was back on 71 exactly where I had been the hour before that. When I got off the exit 2 miles from my house, I did a U turn to avoid a light and, of course, at 4 in the morning I got pulled over. Why not? So the cop asked me what I had been doing. I asked him if he wanted the long or the short version. He asked for the long version, BIG mistake... So I basically told him the story from Chipotle on. He asked me if I had been drinking, if I have any weapons in the car, and where I am headed. I say no, yes this pocket knife right here, and to my house about 2 miles from here. After checking my insurance and all that jazz he told me to have a happy Thanksgiving. Ok, honestly I didn't even care if I got a ticket. I surely earned it at some point in my nearly 190 miles of driving today. So that's pretty much it, I guess I left out a few parts including the trip to Walmart, the girl at the Kiosk, the 10 people we met at Skyline, and some other even more minor things, but you generally get the idea. I can't wait to wake up in a few hours to go hunting. Maybe this year I should just stay in bed and do nothing except be thankful, what a novel idea. So now I am going to bed, at 5:20 int he AM. This is the latest I have stayed up in almost a year.

Time for a break maybe?

2006-11-21T17:24:00.000-05:00

Today is my sister's birthday, she turns 19. On my way home from taking my make-up physics exam I talked to her and she informed me that people are getting together to go out to eat tonight in recognition of the occasion. I am excited about it. I haven't really hung out with my sister since she left for school in August, and I will also get to see my cousin Christa and some of Kate's (my sister) other friends. I generally like the people that she hangs out with, so it should be a pretty good time. Shortly after talking to her my mom called me to ask if I was coming, during the conversation we started talking about my plans for next quarter and whatnot. She knows that I don't really have any money to speak of, and I told her that I was considering taking a quarter off from school to work and try to catch up a little bit financially. It's justifiable I think. It's no different than co-opping for a quarter. She said that if I did something like that I should take a vacation. She pointed out that the last time I took a vacation for myself was July of 2005. I guess since then I have either been working or going to school or taking kids on a Young Life trip. I used to take weekends off and go to the Gorge by myself to take some time and just do nothing. I think its good to do things like that and I generally advocate it, and yet somehow I haven't done anything like that in forever. I can't even tell you the last time I had a weekend like that. So maybe it's time for a break. I don't necessarily feel like I need a break, but like most things in life, its hard to get an accurate picture of what's going on while you are in the picture yourself. It's easier to see what is happening from the sidelines. Henry Nouwen uses the analogy of a basin of water all sloshing around. You can't smooth out the water with your hand, you just have to step back and let it settle on its own, the only thing that can calm the surface is time left alone. So now I am off to dinner with my sister. I'll have to consider that whole vacation thing while I am at work tomorrow, or maybe in between my classes...

Long Lost Blog

2006-11-19T20:17:00.000-05:00

Today I got an e-mail...in the e-mail it said that someone had posted a comment on my blog. My first thought was "Blog...I don't have a blog, I've been identity theft-ed..." But then I remembered the blog I had to start for a class way back freshman year. After following the link to MY blog I caught myself reminiscing about what my life was about then, and how much I have grown up in the last 2 years. I guess on the surface not all that much looks different. I am still on staff at the same Church I was just starting at when I first started my blog, I still lead Young life at Mt. Healthy (something else I had just started), and I am still in school though now for a different major (Secondary Ed), if I just look at how I am spending my time, not that much is different.

As much as my schedule looks the same though my life feels so different. Although I had great friendships in the past the friendships that I have now, some with the same people, are built out of faith in Christ. It's funny when you commit your life to Christ, that first day, you have no idea what you are in store for. My faith has lead me places that I would never have gone otherwise. I understand now that I still don't have any idea where my faith will take me, however, in that I realize that life with Christ is wholly different than life without. It means much more than a one hour per week commitment to a local church, it's a life altering decision that has ramifications far outreaching the scope of my understanding. If you let God in, your life will change, ALL of it.

The Young Life team I am on is completely different now than it was 2 years ago. I am the only person still leading there now that was when I got placed. My Co-leader, Leah, is one of the most incredible women I have ever known. I have learned so much from her about everything from loving people to understanding how women think to fashion and a thousand other things. I am so excited to see how God is going to use us in the lives of High School kids this year. So many doors have been opened for us to do ministry in the school this year already, that I have to believe that our vision for reaching high school kids with the Gospel of Christ is in line with what God is doing in that community.

I feel like my life is being netted together right now. Like all the stuff I have been doing separately and independently of one another are coming together. I was leading Young Life and working at the church and going to school. Now I am leading Young Life because I have a heart for kids and going to school to become a teacher because I have a heart for kids, and working at a church to both finance doing those things as well as feed myself as a Christian. I hadn't realized it because anytime you have a job, even in ministry, it is easy to at times become frustrated with the organization or the people you work with. It just happens. In spite of that I have realized the importance of loving people the way they are while at the same time encouraging them to reach the potential God has in store for them. The pastor at the Vineyard (where I work) says "the person you are becoming is much more important than the person you are." LOVING PEOPLE IS ESSENTIAL. I don't just mean when they do things you like, or when they are easy to get along with. I mean identifying people in your life that you have to choose to commit to no matter what. Choosing to love them even when they suck, because frankly all of us suck sometimes, people are just annoying and mean and well sinful, and because of that it is hard to love people all the time. In spite of that, we have to, we are commanded to by the Word of God (Ephesians 4:1-3). With that in mind doing all the "stuff" of life isn't so bifurcated. When my motivation for getting good grades is the same as my motivation for doing contact work with high school kids or doing a good job at work, it is much easier to remain motivated. Having the same motivation in things implies having the same goal in mind, to know the will of Christ and live in His perfect will.

That's all I have for today though. I think what I have here is a good synopsis of what's been happening in my life of late as well as what I have been learning. I haven't yet decided if I am going to continue to write a blog. I like the idea of getting my thoughts out and at least somewhat organized. We'll have to see what time allows.

in Him
matt

Yes I Am Still Alive

2005-02-13T00:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in a long time. I know it's bad. I'm sorry. As far as excuses I guess I could make something up like I've been busy or tired or whatever, but I'm not going to I'm going to be honest and say I am lazy. Really though a lot has been going on in my life lately, and I am excited to get it all out and written down. This should be a long one so I hope your all in for the long haul...

First and foremost I want to talk about Young Life and how that is going. I'll start with today and work backwards till my last post or somewhere in there. Tonight we went snow tubing at Perfect North Slopes in Indiana. It was a lot of fun, and I was amazed at how sheltered the Kids in Mount Healthy Really are. A lot of them had never before been outside the state. So needless to say everyone had a great time. Being in charge of groups going far away (not really far but you wouldn't know it.) parents give you the fricken third degree. I mean this one lady drilled me for like 20 minutes it was ridiculus. Long story short it was a lot of fun. To sum up tonight I would say tubing was a great idea, White Castle's afterwards was great fun, and I found a new way home from the school.

Ok yesterday was Corridor Leadership. That means that groups of schol sbroke off and went to a staff persons house for Leadership as a group instead of monster Leadership at a church. My group included my almamater and therefore my favorite person Ed. It was a lot of fun especially when it came time to tell stories about how Young Life is going whit the new leaders. Ed told everyone how he is learning so much about about Christ by watching ME try to lead. I don't know if its the rareness of him saying nice things about me or the fact that it was in front of so many people, but I really really felt good after that. After Leadership team Mount Healthy went to the basketball game against Akien High School. The first game I missed, (freshman) they finally win. I mean they are like 2 and 17 and they won. I couldn't believe it. So I was really excited and the parents wanted to know where I was and the kids where really excited to tell me about it. After that I took some kids home. When I got done with kids I went back to the Jones's house to watch a movie with some of my friends and hang out for a while. Overall it was a great night.

I have major exciting news about Young Life and me. I may be able to get a coaching job there as an assistant Cross Country Coach. I met the AD and think I made a good impression on her. She gave me an application, but I bet I am the only person that trys to get the job. It will be so great they will actually pay me to hang out with high school kids. I am so excited that I may get to coach. On a down side I'll probably have to get in shape again.

In general Young Life is going well for me. I am meeting a lot of kids and building relationships at this point. I think the hard part will be when I have to transition into more of a spiritual mentor to the kids. That will actually test my knowledge and dependancy on Christ.

Now for some bad news...A friend of my sisters growing up who was on the swim team with my sister for like 12 years and was in a car pool with her and whatever, well her mom was killed in a car crash by some freak accident driving home from dropping her kids off at school on wednesday. Some guy lost control on some ice or something and fliped his truck directly into the drivers seat of the van Mrs. Nyguen was driving. Like everything is fine except the drivers seat which has a truck sticking out of it. So it was pretty close to home as far as tradegies go. I personally didn't know the family or lady well at all, but it is deffinately a big deal for my community and my sister. Anyways the funeral is tomorrow and its a pretty big deal in town, a lot of people where close to this family and lady, so if you want to pray for something, pray for them.

As far as college goes I am having a rough time with deciding what exacly to major in. I am currently a Biochemistry major, but I just can't see myself working in a lab for the rest of my life. So at the end of the quarter I will be changing my major to Communications. Apparently you can do anything with this. In addition to that it is the easiest thing at UC. All I'll have to do it try to read once in a while and I'll do fine. So I think that will all work itself out.

At work I have been made permanent staff, but I'm not supposed to know about that yet. Its cool because everyone else that's part time is getting their hours cut except me. Also that means I get a dollar an hour raise. That says more money for minestry to me. I'll go more in detail about ministry financing later this week. Oh well so if you haven't put it together yet I have troops on a lot of fronts right now, and its not looking like its going to be getting better anytime soon.

Oh well I am tired of typing now I hope this catches you all up. Um one thing I could ask is that if you have any good ideas on how to raise money (35,000) I need to figure out some thing in order to discount camp trips for kids this year. Any suggestions are good so let me know. Thanks so much guys your awesome.

in Him
matt

Midterms Are Aweful ! ! !

2005-02-03T01:11:00.000-05:00

Having recieved 3 out of 4 of my midterm scores back from the past week I can honestly say that I think I have never done worse on a set of tests. I was genuinely destroyed from every angle. I beat the class average on two, but not by much, and I still only got a 50 on the calculus exam and its my second time taking it. I need to change majors to something friggen easier. We shall see tomorrow how I did on the logic exam though I am confidant that I did well there really is no telling. Is was somewhat of a wild card exam. Comprised of an essay and two proofs I feel as though many people did very poorly. To my credit I at least knew how to answer the questions. In this particualr class thats half the battle. So I am not feeling to good about myself right now. I am not nearly as smart as the people around me and I have to work so hard just to be average. I don't know what I need to do, but something has to change for the better or i'll die. Ok I won't really die, but geeze I should be doing better. I will try even harder I guess and see how I do on the next exams. Oh well it is time for me to go to bed now, I can hear my Elton John cd finishing in my room and that was my time allowance. Sorry if I seem less than positive lately, I will try to write a devtional when I get this whole new internet thing worked out and have more time.

in Him
matt

Back Again

2005-01-31T10:01:00.000-05:00

Ok so today is Monday and I have slowly ade the conversion to wireless Roadrunner at my house. Due to some technicle difficulties I have been unable to post these past few days. Friday I had my Chemistry Exam which followed Thursday's Caculus Exam. I got my Calculus grade back, and I got a 49.5% which is bad. The class aveage was a 60%, and she only curved it 10%. At my college you have to have a C in order to get credit and I currently have about 68% so I am close to passing, but still not there. This is really sad for me because I had to drop this same class last quarter because I couldn't pass it, and again this quarter I am already struggling. Dropping it again would kill my whole freshman year. If I don't pass it this time I'll have to go back and take Pre Calculus or something. I am really sad about this because I have worked really hard to do well. I don't know yet how I did on my Chemistry exam though I would imagine that I did ok. Today I have a Biology Exam, and tomorrow I have a Logic Exam. Each of those should be hard and based on the presnt trend that means I won't pass. In other news Friday night my Co-leader Brandon turned 25. We had a snow tubing party for him at Perfect North. It was lot of fun, but I just feel akward hanging out with the people that went. I was the youngest person there by at least 4 years. Lately I am just not confidant in myself as far as what I am doing or saying. Its like I can't get much right. Most of my friends are older, and are busy most of the time with their lives. Only three people I hang out with aren't in serious dating relationships. Oh well I guess my time will come as well. Ok now time to talk about the big issue of the week. My sister and my Dad ave been having this fight for a few months now because they both think each other was wrong and so my sister just stopped going over to his house. Well my Dad being the jealous, selfish, and childish man that he is still won't apologize to my sister. Instead of resolving the problem that way he chose to pull out the divorce paperwork and tell my sisster that if she doesn't come visit him more then he could have my mom put into prison for custody violation or something. This may or may not be true, but either way it seems like a rather scetchy way to go about forcing your daughter whos 17 to come visit you. So of coarse this came back to my mom later, and she was pissed. Now heres where the plot thickens. My dad doesn't really have anyone that he hangs out with. I mena he knows people and has friends, but no close friends that he talks to about this stuff. So he talks to me. This has been a problem throughout my childhood, that my dad would bring stuff to me that I have no business being told. He says awful things about my mother, and now he come out with all this stuff about Kate. Well I am completely frustrated with the stuation. I don't really know how to respond because I think my role in my family is to provide support and encouragement. That is difficult for me because I have a divided family. So who knows whats going to happen. Today is campainers and I have 50 cookies for the kids. In addition to that tonight is our big semester planing meeting. I guess it is good that I don't actually have to do anything this semester as far as devotionals for the group or give my testimony or anything. I mean its not a big deal to do that stuff, but its just one less thing I have to focus on. So we shall see what is to come...

Solution: Quit School and move far far away from my family, possibly to Florida, get a job as first mate on a fishing charter and become a devoute atheist, because life is much easier that way. (SIKE)

So I hope you all are doing better than me this week. Remember when I wrote about thatnkign God for the times when its easy because it usually isn't. I should have titled this Post "Exibit A"

in Him
matt

Basketball Game

2005-01-25T23:58:00.000-05:00

Tonight I found out that the Mt Health Owls had a game about 5 minutes fom my house. This is very rare so I took it opon myself to make sure thatI attended the game. I got there around 5 and the freshman game hadn't ended yet. I got to see the freshman play while I tried to meet some of the varsity guys unsuccessfully. Its all good though because they only brought one bus so everyone had to stay and watch the JV and then the Varsity. This was great for me because it gave me an opportunity to sit with the freshman team and hang out. I met some really cool kids that just love to have fun no matter what. They got whooped in their game, but all they could talk about was all the fun they had messing with the other team. I remember 4 names and lots of faces. This will give me plenty of stuff to pray for. Also at the game I saw someone I knew. It was a lady from my subdivision growing up. I had known her as a child because she was one of the people you would always see at the pool or playing with her kids or whatever. Well as it turns out she recognized me and came to talk to me. When she asked me why I was there and I came back with the whole youth ministry thing she was overwhelmed. It was awesome to see the joy light up her face. Turns out swhe is a very devote Christian woman. She offered me anything that I could think of be it transportation, financial support, or dinner. She told me that she wanted to talk to me more and find out exactly what I was up too and that I should stop by her house some time to talk with her. Tonight was truely blessed. She also told me that her husband is looking for people to train int his chemistry oriented job at HIS plant. Basically the guy wants to hire me on this summer to work for him ppaying me huge dollars to do something I love and am not bad at. I was so excited on the way home I was shaking. God has a way of never letting me down. This is awesome. Despite how wonderful everything is there is still the roughness of my family and the 4 exams I have in the next 7 days...why is it that none of that stuff seems to be all that hard to face knowing that the God of the universe is beside me. So in the spirit of Eclessiastes 5:2, I'll let my words be few and peace out for tonight. I hope this message finds your well and joyfully filled with Christ.

in Him
matt

Satan is a Smart Demon

2005-01-25T00:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a great day for me. I got a good score on the tests that I got back, and am sure that I did well on the Chemistry quiz that I took. After school I went to my Dad's house and had a good time there then I went to Kroger's where I picked up some more spagetti. After that I went to my first Campainers as a leader. It was awesome really. I made dinner for all the kids and then watched Sister Act 2 with them. It was great. After taking the kids home and doing the dishes we had a team prayer meeting which I love. I really feel supported by God and by my team when we all sit down together and talk with God. I love my team so much!!! I was just beaming on the drive home. So then I call my dad back because he had called me earlier, apparently he has had a big fight with my mom in front of my sister about whatever. In any case they are both angry and I am the go between. Times like these make me really thankful when things are easy. Once again I am on my knees begging for God to come and save me and make everything ok. I just want to be there to support my family, but how can I do that when they are so divided. All I can do now is just listen, I have no answers, there is nothing I can say ro do to make it better. All I have to offer is my personal consistancy to the family. Despite everything I remain steadfast in Christ. That is all I can be to my family. I am sure that God has a plan for this situation, I don't know what that plan might be, but I am sure that everything will be as he wants it to be. I find my shelter in the shadow of His wings and know that there is safety and comfort there. Even as I write this God is looking down on me protecting me and guarding me from evil. God I am so in love with you...

in Him
matt

Magic Monday

2005-01-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have returned from Leadership Weekend. I am happy to tell you that it was a great experience for me. I don't exactly know how to put into words some of the feelings that I experienced the past few days, it was just amazing to sit in conferences on how to show Christ to high school kids while sitting across the table from people who had followed those steps to show Christ to me. To listen to how as a leader I would be rejected by high school kids, and how that would crush my self esteem and know that I had done many of those things to my leaders. I am begining to understand how hard Ed (my leader) had fought for my soul. It is an indiscribable feeling to know that someone cared about you enough to to give themselves for you. As Christ gave his life as a ransom for many Ed gave his life to the work of Christ and from Christ's direction in his life came my salvation. I am forever thankful to Christ and his awesome plan for my life.
In addition to all of that I also learned much about how to carry out an effective ministry in high schools. I learned strategies for meeting and setting the example for kids. I learned how to plan for team cohesiveness, and how to maximize the number of people our ministry reaches. I learned so many different leading strategies that I can't remember them all. Above all of this I learned that it is critical to have absolute dedication to and dependance on Christ. Without Christ I can do nothing, but with him I can do anything. I will undoubtedly fall flat on my face without Christ to hold me up. Alone I have nothing to offer the kids I am trying to reach, and only with Christ will I be able to change that. I am so excited to see where this ministry will take me in my walk with Christ. In conclusion I would like to say that this has to be one of the most unorganized things I have ever written. I am ok with this because I think it accurately depicts the excitement that I have now for the near future. God bless you all and have a wonderful day.

in Him
matt

Leadership Weekend

2005-01-21T14:23:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the lack of posting this weekend due to my absence. I will be attending a Leadership Weekend in Kentucky for Young Life. As such I will not have access to or the desire to spend time away from my dear friends. I wish the best to you all and if you like my devotions you should check out my churchs daily devotionals at vinenet.net. Talk to you all on Monday with a full report. Oh and one last thing. Pray that the philosophy of "Meet your wife at Young Life" holds true.

In Him
matt

Today's Devotional

2005-01-21T00:07:00.000-05:00

John Chapter 4

1Therefore when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John
2(although Jesus Himself was not baptizing, but His disciples were),
3He left Judea and went away again into Galilee.
4And He had to pass through Samaria.
5So He came to a city of Samaria called Sychar, near the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph;
6and Jacob's well was there. So Jesus, being wearied from His journey, was sitting thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

The Woman of Samaria

7There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give Me a drink."
8For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.
9Therefore the Samaritan woman said to Him, "How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?" (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)
10Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."
11She said to Him, "Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water?
12"You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You, who gave us the well, and drank of it himself and his sons and his cattle?"
13Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again;
14but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
15The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw."
16He said to her, "Go, call your husband and come here."
17The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have correctly said, 'I have no husband';
18for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly."
19The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.
20"Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship."
21Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father.
22"You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.
23"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.
24"God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."
25The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us."
26Jesus said to her, "I who speak to you am He."
27At this point His disciples came, and they were amazed that He had been speaking with a woman, yet no one said, "What do You seek?" or, "Why do You speak with her?"
28So the woman left her waterpot, and went into the city and said to the men,
29"Come, see a man who told me all the things that I have done; this is not the Christ, is it?"
30They went out of the city, and were coming to Him.
31Meanwhile the disciples were urging Him, saying, "Rabbi, eat."
32But He said to them, "I have food to eat that you do not know about."
33So the disciples were saying to one another, "No one brought Him anything to eat, did he?"
34Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.
35"Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest.
36"Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.
37"For in this case the saying is true, 'One sows and another reaps.'
38"I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored and you have entered into their labor."

The Samaritans

39From that city many of the Samaritans believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, "He told me all the things that I have done."
40So when the Samaritans came to Jesus, they were asking Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days.
41Many more believed because of His word;
42and they were saying to the woman, "It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world."

John Chapter 4 starts off with the story of Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman. The stage is set for by the introduction to the scene by John. Jesus is going through Samaria for a reason. Its not coincedental that Jesus is there, he just didn't do things that wheren't intentional. So here is Jesus and the passage says it is about the sixth hour which means it is about 12:30 in the afternoon. It would have been very hot at this time of day int hat area of the world. The other important information here is that no one should have been at the well at this time of day. The fact that the woman was there says that she was an outcast in her society because she didn't come to the well with eveyone else. So anyways back to the story. Jesus asks the woman for a drink of water. Dialogue continues after this and Jesus, as usuall, has a great effect on the woman he is talking with. It seems that he is surrounded by an aura of truth and honesty that instantaniously won people over. She is so dramatically impacted by there conversation that she tells people that Jesus told her everything she ever did. When Jesus identifies the woman for who she really is she is astonished and no longer questions that he is the messiah that he claimed to be. As she is out fetching the men in her life and probably other people from the town to come see Jesus, Jesus takes the opportunity to prepare his disciples for what is about to happen. First he tells them that he has "food that they know nothing about." This is where the NASB version of the bible blows out all the other bibles out there. In the NASB the verse says that "They are white for harvest." This is glossed over in most translations as "They are ripe for harvest." This was done because there is no white crop in that area. Later it was learned that the people who came to the well wore white robes. Jesus not onyl predicts his crucifixtion here, but int he same paragraph identifies to the disciples that he will prepare people for the teaching of the disciples. As was the theme of my last devotional we once again are the harvest workers. Jesus sows the seeds in the hearts of man, and it is our commision to reap that harvest for the Lord. The other thing Jesus drops in here is the messsage that we are just as likely to be the one who sows the seeds in people never to see the results of our labors. We could pray for someone for years and one day one person in passing might say God be with you, and the person converts. The key to being ok with this is to understand that it isn't about getting or seeing results it is about a personal dependance on God for your daily bread. Jesus says his food is to do the work of the one who sent him. That should be our sustanance as well. It is nice to reap because that takes no work, but there is a bigger reward for the person who works daily to do god's will. When the people fianly reach the well from the town Jesus teaches them and many of them convert to believers. Now it is not the teaching of Jesus that directly convinces these people to believe, but the testimony of the woman. God has done and continues to do many amazing things, but there is nothing so convincing, so attractive in all of nature as the life that has been breathed into a believer. It is shockingly obvious to poeple, the light of Christ is blinding to people in the dark. There is more to John 4, but i think that this story is enough to consume at one time. It is so amazing all that can be spoken about how Christianity works in so few sentences. In just 42 verses John outlines many different aspects of living as a believer. The role of the disciple, the follower, the leader, the sowwer, the reaper, the lost, the witness, and more are all described in detail in just one story. I hope this has been informational to you and not to dilluted by my rambling and disorganization to understand. It is an honor for me to write these things that you may know Christ better. I am so happy to be a tool.

in Him
matt

Exhaustion

2005-01-19T23:34:00.000-05:00

Today was one of my longer days. It started and ended in the ormal fashion of school then drive then work then drive. Today was rather unusual in the matter of where I went when I got off work. I went to my friends house, who happens to be a long time Young Life guy and a current teacher at the college I attend. I love to hang out with this guy because he is the smartest person that I know. He really knows everything its insane. So anyways I called him up and went over to his house. we went to dinner at Skiline which was awesome. Then we went back to his house to talk about life and school and really nerdy things that wouldn't even make sense to most people. I showed him this logic that I have been struggling with so much and he seems to think it looks very similar to the proofs he did in graduate school Advanced Calculus. The other thing about Mike and probably the thing that makes him so smart is that he has read many many books. So he starts pulling out all these books and shows me a few tricks and whatnot but essentially he told me to go talk to the director of the department and find out what is up with my mad scientist proffessor. Tomorrow I will get to the bottum of all this nonsense. Tomorrow I also have a quiz in calculus that I hope to do well on and there really isn't any reason that I wont do well I am pretty sure that I know all the stuff we are doing currently. So I am very excited for that and then my final day of work then home to sleep because I don't have anything to study for on friday. The onyl thing I have to do all weekend is go on this Leadership Weekend for Young Life. They are so awesome because all you do is lay around all day and talk and sleep and be lazy. I'll take HW of course but it won't really get looked at. So that's all I have for today nothing really exciting. I promise tomorrow night to have another devotional posted on here. Oh also I am officially changing my mian text from the NIV to the NASB version of the Bible. I think it is a much better translation and it will help me to be more accurate in my understanding of God. Have a wonderful day and don't forget to pray hard.

in Him
matt

Proofs

2005-01-19T00:30:00.000-05:00

Proofs suck. I onyl can say that because I have spent the better part of three hours now looking at this assignment for my logic class and I am only part of the way done with it. Worse even than that is my motivation for working on it now instead of tomorrow during my class break. I am quickly becoming convinced that everything that goes wrong in my life is caused entirely by me and usually for the same 2 reasons, either I am tryign to do something to glorify myself, or I am trying to do something that will make me appear better than I am. Thats relaly the same thing, but thats also relaly how it is. When ever I am arrogant I am trying to look good for others which shouldn't be importan to me according to galations 1:10. So anyways this is my latest predicament; I am above average in this Logic class I have been taking, so today when I was doing good at understanding the lecture I started to help other people in the class. Well I don't know if I made myself seem smarter than I really am or I just didn't look ahead enough, but I have been voted as the leader of this little study group tomorrow. I was looking at what I am supposed to help everyone with tonight and I don't knwo that I am confident enough in the work I have done to tell them all this is the way to do it. So thats my predicament. I guess the other thing is that I am major tired and will onyl gte 7 hours of sleep at best probably no actually at most 6 probably 5 and a half which is not good at all. Oh well I hope you all enjoy this, though I am starting to think that its just Annie.

in Him
matt

Paused

2005-01-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

I hate waiting for things to happen. I understand that the wait serves a purpose and it is important to mentally prepare for big changes in your life and that time is helpful in that preperration, but at the same time I really don't liekto wait. I like it when things happen right away. When I try something new I want to be good at it right away. Now I am waiting in essence to start leading Young Life. I mean officially we start next monday. I am realyl anxious. This coming weekend we have a area Leadership Weekend where my team will be having its first official meeting. I am excited even for that. Oh well that's all I really have for today is that I am excited. Hurry time hurry...

in Him
matt

Ask and You Shall Recieve

2005-01-17T01:37:00.000-05:00

I haven't yet had my quiet time today, but I will shortly. What is still begging my attention is something I read yesterday. I found in Luke 10 a story of the 72 messengers that Christ sends out into the world. It is very much parallel to a stroy in Matthew 10 about how Jesus sent out the 12 Apostles. In both cases he gives them basically the same Pep Talk.

"The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." (Luke 10:2-3)

What really sticks out to me here is the analogy of sending US "lambs" out into the "wolves." Like many things Christ says I think that this is some sort of parable. It has a special meaning about the relatinship of dependance on Christ for strength we should have as we go to do his work. This same analogy is elaborated on in Matthew when Jesus sends out the 12.

"I am sending you out like sheep amoung wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16)

As sheep in the field look to their sheperd for protection from the things in the world that would harm them we are supposed to look to Christ, our sheperd, for the protection and guidance we need. It is important that we find a balance between wisdom, which is neccessary for gaurding our hearts and minds in Christ, and vulnerability, which is neccessary in order to truely love someone. We are called to live life in an odd way in which we have offered ourselves as sacrafices to the world and its wolves, surviving only on the trust and faith in Christ that we will be protected. Like the Jews fleeing from Egypt everyday when they woke up they found the mana (food) that they needed in order to sustain life. They onyl had enough for that day and just had to trust that their would be mana the next day.

In addition to this trust that we need to have in Christ while we live here on this earth there is also a commision, a task, an objective for our lives. In this instance it is worded like this.

"When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is se before you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, "The Kingdom of God is near you."."

I think there are several important messages here; first when we enter a place where we are welcomed Christ calls us to put trust in the people there and use the things they offer in order to sustain the ministry there, second we are told to heal the sick. It doesn't say how the people may be afflicted just that we are supposed to heal them. The question them arrises "How are we to heal sick people?" Well the answer to this lies in that Christ is empowering the people he sends out with His power. As messengers for Christ we have in us His spirit, his power, and his will. Like parable of the Mustard Seed we need only have faith and nothing is impossible for us. The third thing we are called to do in this verse is to preach of the Kingdom of God. It is our job as stewards of the knowledge of Christ to share that knowledge with others. We don't have to be special people with unusual knowledge or skills, we don't need to be trained or instructed in how to be effective, we need only a genuine love for Christ and a relationship with him. I am not saying that there aren't ways to better utilize the gifts God has given us, but what I am saying is that all we need to do in order to participate in Gods purpose for our lives is to offer ourselves to Him for his work.

In conclusion I would like to say that this is not an average quiet time for me. I don't usually get all this from one or 2 verses and even rarer do I have the urge to share all this with people. In fact I am quiet self concious and unsure of what I really understand. In any case I hope anyone that reads this looks into for themselves, you never know how God can speak to you through scripture. I am off to bed now, but I hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy finding out more about the Lord yourselves, as the host of Reading Rainbow alwasy said, "Don't take my word for it."

In Him,
matt

As the Pace Quickens

2005-01-16T01:15:00.000-05:00

Today was my first official day leading Young Life. I think it was highly successful, actually it was justa good day. I woke up today and drove to Colrain High School home of the State Football Champion Colrain Cardinoles where I watched a wrestling match between Colrain, Mt Healthy, Anderson, Turpin, Fairborn, and my personal almamater and winner today Princeton. while I was there I got to meet some of the wrestlers on the Mt Healthy team as well as see a bunch of my friends that are still in high school. At about 11:45 I drove my Co-leader Brandon to a car shop where he got his car fixxed and then drove him home. At that point I went to my Grandma's house ate lunch and took a nap (the awesome part). When I woke up the UC game was just ending and I found out that my team had blown a 17 point lead to Louisville. So then I went home and ate dinner with my dad. My dad wasn't expecting me so he didn't really have any food in the house for me, being the improvisor that I am I ate soem Chicken noodle soup and left for the Mt Healthy basketball game against who else but Colrain. When I arrived at Brandon's house to carpool I was informed that the game had been reshcedualed and had already taken place earlier that day. However we still went and hung out with some other people from the school and went to Grater's. I love Black-Rasberry-Chip ice cream. After tat I got home and now I am about to go to sleep (another awesome part) until 9 when I will wake up and go to church. I was praying tonight about Leading during my quiet time and was lead to the sending out of the 72 disciples in Luke Chapter 10 (actually I didn't know where ti was and had to look it up). I am really excited about being a worker in the fields of God harvesting people for him. it had a reference in my bible to Matthew 10 where Jesus sends out the 12 there is even more information abotu startign a ministry there. Thats about all that happened today, if you can't tell I am really excited. God bless you all and may you have a wonderful day too.

in Him
matt

Mt. Healthy Owls Part One

2005-01-14T22:15:00.000-05:00

Today I was placed as a Young Life Leader. I couldn't possibly be happier with the place where I have been sent to lead. At Mount Healthy High School there are a ton of things that I so excited about. first is the team I am going to be leading with. Brandon is like a spiritual father to me and a great friend in Christ. He is always there for me with an example to follow and advice when I am confused. Second is his now fiance` Carrie. She is a really cool person who is wonderfully suited to Brandon and to Christ. She is a powerful soldier for God and actively seeks and carries out His will in her life. I am so excited to learn and grow in the presence of these amazing people. In addition to that there was another new leader placed at Mt. Healthy, her name is Mary Kay. I don't yet know very much about her except that she has a great personality and is incredibly strong in her faith. I know that her brother died tragically at a young age and that she is the strength in her family. In addition to the people I am leading with there is also the good aspects about the place I am leading. Mt. Healthy is a poor neighborhood with an even poorer school system. it is a cultural smelting pot of all kinds of people with many different kinds of back grounds. The equilizer for everyone is more or lack there of in this case. I know God has given me this opportunity not just to share Him, but to help these kids in practical ways. It doesn't matter to me if I have a spiritual impact on these kids or not, that is God business to worry about, I am only there to offer everything I have in the name of Christ. If people should see Christ through my loving them that is all the more wonderful. I fully expect to be tested as well as grow tremendously through this experience. Tomorrow I plan on going to the wrestling match at Colrain High School. I am so anxious to get my hands dirty and begin to build a ministry in the school. I can't wait to meet kids and start developing relationships. Most of all I am excited for all the ways God is making himself evident in my life. he is surrounding me with himself and teaching me, molding me into his child, his servant. I just can't wait for tomorrow.

in Him
matt

I Know You Wait For Me in the Quiet That Follows the Storm...

2005-01-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

Lately I am so convicted to strenghten myself in Christ. With that I am so thankful for the current time of ease in my life for renewal. Usually I am stretched or being tested or hurt, but currently everything is just happening. Its seem my life is in slow motion and I can finaly keep up. I am especially thankful for these times in my life because it gives me the opportunity to renew myself and rest before the next storm. I know that it is impossible to live on the mountain for it is only a place to come and be filled. Soon comes the time where I will be called on by Christ to go down and pour myself out for people. Tomorrow I get placed as a Young Life Leader. I am excited, as most people are, but at the same time I am confronted with the knowledge that this means I will be asked to give all of myself and rely solely on Christ for support. In the past when I have trusted Christ to sustain me he has never let me down and I know he wont this time either, but what I haven't yet figured out is how to make the transition more easily. It always seems like I come to the brink of my existance before Christ comes in and saves the day, and up to that point it is always very uncomfortable. It could be that I don't really rely on Christ all the time for my daily bread and strength, and when I absolutely have to I need to be in desperate need of help. If I where 100% dependant on Christ all the time there would never be a period of transition, I would never be completely empty. On the other side of this I know that God is strongest in my greastest weakness's. By offering myself to Him unconditionaly for His purposes alone He will be glorified in everything I do, both my successes and my failures. I am confident that God will use me in ways I probably won't even know. I am so excited to see all the places God will take me and look forward to becoming a man of God. So heres to the next step in an endless walk, may it be the greatest yet.

In Him,
matt

The Return of Gretchen

2005-01-13T00:22:00.000-05:00

Today when I arrived home driving my Mom's car once again I was surprised at the fact that my car was still missing. gretchen has been in the hospital for 2 days at this point and I am begingin to panic. When I entered the house I found my sister at her usual post in front ot the computer. I don't know what it is that drives teenage girls so crazy about instant messenger, but its like a magnite. I asked her where my mom was and that was all it took for her to snap. She went off on me for not listening when mom said she "wouldn't be home until late," last night. I calmly responded that I didn't ask what time she would be home, but "where she was." To that Katie replied "I don't know." "Get out." So I went to the living room to watch LOST on ABC. I absolutely love that show. I mean it is one of the greatest shows ever. When my mom finaly got home I was playing guitar. She said she had my car and asked if I had eaten dinner. I was overjoyed at the idea of a healthy car again so I told her we would go to Skyline. I Haven't eaten there in quite some time. When I got home from Skyline Katie was still consumed by the cathode ray. So wrapped up another day in the life of Me. Other notes from today include; Meagan (phsyco from the dorms) called me and wanted to hang out tomorrow to which I replied I'll have to see how tomorrow goes, I am even more excited by the fact that I start leading Young Life on Friday, I got to eat lunch with my friends again which I love because they are sucha a good influence on me, I got 5 hours of work in, and soon I will be going to bed for nearly 7 hours. That will be the most sleep I've gotten in quite some time. So onwards and upwards for now. God Bless you all. Oh also I have a prayer request, I really need to be humble over the next few weeks, I mean its always a good thing to be , but especially now as I am building new peoples impressions of me. Thanks so much everyone.

In Him,
matt

Disaster Strikes

2005-01-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

OK, the worst thing happened to me yesterday on my drive home from school. I was merrily riding along when I noticedthat it was mildly warm in my car. Noticing this I made the executive decision to crak my windwo a bit and let in some fresh air. Well when I hit the window down button in my car my window fell right out of place down into my car door. So I had to drive the rest of the way home with the window all the way down, I froze and I was soking wet. So today I take it to the shop before school, when I got home the diagnosis was that they dont make parts for my car anymore. So the mechanic guy found some at a junk yard and put them on my car or will tomorrow I can pick it up at noon. God only knows how much it will cost. Man I Hate My Car. So that was just plain awful. Ok now on to my first request, Mr Logic teacher day 2. Today I don't really have to much because he put me to sleep like adhd medication. What I did see of him though was his corteroy brown-green sports coat over a white shirt with an oriental design tie tied to about half way down his chest. If you've ever watched Zach Morris and crew on Bayside picture the 58 year old version of the captian nerd. basically what he did today was disprove all the stuff he tought us on the first day I think though, I am probably less confused for sleeping. One last thing, tonight I was helping my sister with her Chemistry for a test tomorrow and I noticed this one problem she had was just impossible so when I found out her proffessor has AIM I asked him about it. He was wrong... ok so it made me feel good. Goodnight everyone have a great day.

In Him,
matt

I Found The Missing Box

2005-01-10T16:34:00.000-05:00

Ok, so last night I looked in a pot in the basement of my Mom's house where she said she had looked already, and low and behold there was the hidden treasure. How it got there will only lead to pointing fingers and hurt feelings, but the important thing is that my life is once again right side out. I found out there was more stuff in the box than I orginally thought. I fouund my lifes colcion of favorite vs on notecards (hundreds), about 15 cds, software tools to go wth my tetbooks, and a few other things. even my favorite kind of toothpaste. After that I got to shave which I haven't done in over a week. It felt so good!!! So thn I set my actual alarm clock and it actually woke me up today. That may sound a little obvious, but really it was a refreshing experiene to say the least. Today at lunch I bought the jumbo sized drink because I had packed my own lunch, 2 pb&js, 2 clemantines, chips (baked), and vanilla waffers. So the drink was 44 ounzes which ws a lot, but being the american that I am I had to get the refill to go just on principle. I drank that whole thing while I was in my next two classes. As I write this guess what I have to do right now... Anyways I am pretty excited about this week because I gt placed as a Young Life Leader. It is somewhat suspenceful waiting to see where I will get placed, espeially because several people in the city (all girls) expressed openly that they would be very upset if I go placed on their team. Oh well, I didn't want to work with them anyways. (not rue it mostly just hurt my feelings) Now I am going to go to the bathroom and drive home to Milford where I will be taking the most glorious nap of my life. I hope you alll enjoy todays DAILY post.

In Him,
matt

Skiing and Football

2005-01-09T16:42:00.000-05:00

If you haven't yet learned that I love to play most sports, I want you to know I love to play most sports. That said I would like to offer an apology for not posting yesterday in addition to an explination for my lazyness. Yesterday morning I woke up and went to work. I worked from 9:30 to 12:30 at which point I drove to my Dad's house to get my skis. Me and some of my friends from school and Young Life went to Perfect North Slopes. We got an 8 hour lift pass starting at 3:25. Now I know how to ski, but I am by no means a great skier. In any case I had a great time but didn't get home until 12:30 and I was whooped. I took a shower and went straight to bed. I didn't make it to church today because I slept until 11:30. In my defence I think the Lord wanted me to rest...Ok I didn't even believe that myself...So I am lazy sue me. So far today has been an awesome day. I woke up made myself some eggs and ate alone in an empty house. Then I cleaned up a little and turned on the football game. I am only mildly sore today from all the skiing yesterday, which I sort of enjoy. Its the feeling that I have done something other than just be lazy. I mean its real exercise vs just normal life stuff. Anyways the Colts just finished off the Broncoes and now I am hungry again so I think this is going to have to be it for today. Hope you've enjoyed reading this

In Him
matt

Somethings Lost That Must Be Found!!!

2005-01-08T00:18:00.000-05:00

Today started off late but great. I turned off my alarm at 6:45 and went right back to sleep. When I woke up at ten I decided to skip the only class I could have made it to still. Genetic Biology can't be all that hard anyways. At about 12 o-clock I decided I should at least do something today. So I started unpacking all my stuff from my dorm (I am no longer living on campus). Nearing the end of this adventure I still hadn't come across my box of "small things," and unfortunately as your get older the most important things in your life tend to get smaller. Well as it turns out I still haven't found that box. things that where in that box that are very important include, but are not limited to: my razor and shaving cream, toothbrush (don't worry i have another), checkbook, "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis, my ping pong paddles and a few balls, two stress balls, possibly a Nalgene, and surely something else I will find invaluable. Well my mom found out what I was looking for, and now she is major stressing out about it because of my checkbook. What she doesn't realize is that I am in college and there isn't anythign to steal in the first place. So I do hope to find it because of the razor its been a week since i shaved and its getting rough. I would also really like to have the Ping Pong stuff too. Also I got asked if I wanted to go skiing tomorrow. That is awesome except that it isn't supposed to be cold and because I know I have to work but I don't know what time. So that leaves me with a lot of open ends. Also I am a huge fan of the NFL and would really like to watch the wild card games tomorrow. Unfortunately that seems to be getting lower and lower on the list of things to do. Tonight was cool because I got to eat Larosa's Pizza which is my absolute favorite. In addition to that I had three Cokes my favorite pop. Now as I laeve to go to bed I am happy and full. Only one other thing looms in the back of my mind. Tonight in my quiet time I discovered something quite disconcerting. In Mark 13 there is a mention that the heavenly bodies will tremble as the end times approach. I personally am not one to make something out of nothing and am in no way saying that the enourmous earthquake/tidal wave in Asia is a foreshadow to the coming of Christ, but I am confronted with a new urgency to spread the Gospel of Christ. So to all of you reading this spread gospel spread. But seriously it is staggaring to think that every day really could be the last. I am not worried about my personal salvation as I am very secure in that, but I do worry that I miss opportunities to show Christ to people. I hope you may realize and fully take advantage of these situations as well. So I think that's it for tonight I hope you havea great night.

In Him,
matt

Showing Others

2005-01-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am writing this just to show my Mom how to Blog. I bet in the end she will end up just as fanatical as I am. So here goes my most fabulous post of the new year.

Choosing to Respect Women

2005-01-07T00:39:00.000-05:00

Recently it was pointed out to me that I am mean to girls. I don't say that in a sense that I was rude I was just down mean to girls. I have been so focused on not falling in Love again, as that was a huge distraction from Christ for me, not to mention that I am only 18 years old and don't need to be in love in the first place, that i went to far in the other direction. I generally treat girls as unimportant parts of my life, which may or may not be true, but that gives me no right to treat them as if they don't exist. A while ago I read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge and he talks of how a man of christ is called to live and part of that is their relationship with women. Not only are we as men called to have upstanding sexual boundaries in the sight of God and man, but we are called to be soldiers and even knights fighting for women. I don't mean that in the sense that we should fight every fight for every girl, but I do mean that we should be chivalrous. As I grow older and am placed in a mentor's role in front of people younger than me particularly boys it is critical that I learn to respect and honor women. I need to set a positive example for the people that look up to me so that they too know how to act around girls. Hopefully one day I'll marry one, and I'll need all the training I can get as far as how to build them up. Encourage one another in brotherly love also applies to sisters. So I guess this is an apology of sorts for the way I have disrespected a gender. Hopefully I will make good progress toward becoming a better man of Christ. I guess this means its back to walkings on my tip toes around girls like i am in the 7th grade all over.

In other news, today was my first day of Intoductory to Logic. It is the most rediculus thing i have ever heard in my life. to start with my proffessor os the mad scientist. he comes into class today with a checkered sports coat on fromt he late 70s and a pink collared shirt with a red tie tied with the skinny part to long. he proceeds to rant for an hour and 15 minutes about how red roses are red by accident but that they intentionally transfer that redness through the air to our hearts where all our thinking processes are caried out. furthuremore when we see and interpret the rose as red we are assuming the form of the rose, it seems we have to or we wouldnt be able to interpret it at all. ----am i starting to sound mad scientisty yet--- so anyways this clown goes on and on and i dont think anyone there got a single thing out of it except happier that they are who they are and not this guy. it was all i could do to keep a straight face. oh well i think that is enough for tonight surely no one canmake it through all of this anyways. Have a wonderful evening and god bless.

in Him
matt

Logical Solution

2005-01-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

Today was a very long day. It started at 6:30 when I woke and dressed for my daily adventure accross most of the county. The drive to school took about 40 minutes and the walk to class through the rain took another 10. Upon arriving there, my day of sitting through classes I probably could get by in without showing up continued till 2 o-clock when I left school to go to work. As I opened the door on my car it slowly tapped into the passenger mirror of the car next to me. Of course a deffening alarm went off, so I casually steped into my car and drove off. At work I got a lot done until some of the high schoolers in the youth group at the church I work at wanted me to play football with them in the gym. So of course I did. It was a lot of fun except that I had the wrong socks on or something because now I have huge blisters. In any case I left work at 10 till 7 and drove home. my mom made me two cheeseburgers, baked beans, fries, and soup. It was so good i was a lot hungrier than I originally thought. Then I watched Lost on ABC I really like that show. Tomorrow I have my first quiz of the quarter. That should be exciting. Oh well. Oh and I got aresponce from a nice Vietnamiese man who is fighting for christ at the risk of losing his life. He is truely an amazing soldier for the Lord. Also today I registered for another class to fill in for the English that the College wouldnt let me sign up for. Introductry to Logic. I don't yet really know what it is, but I have heard that the proffessor is crazy and claims to have conclusive evidence for aleins. This should be hilarious. Oh well time for bed hope to hear from someone.

In Him
Matt

Finding Love

2005-01-05T00:22:00.000-05:00

Today i was reminded anew that there are people in my life that love me genuinely and truely. In the past year I have learned better to identify real love because it was first shown to me by christ. As i make the transition from childhood to adult I am learning many things about responsibility, loyalty and friendship but it is so refreshing. I hope that everyone has an opportunity in life to experience the love that I am surrounded by. In Him Matt

Back to school

2005-01-04T00:23:00.000-05:00

So today school resumed for me as it did for hundreds of thousands of young people all over the country today. I had to wake up really early because i am living at home this quarter which is good and bad. The good is that i get to shop at the store and make food and sleep in my own bed and not deal with roomate roulet, the bad is that I have to drive 35 minutes through traffic to school everyday and then walk a half mile from my garage to my classes. This was especially unfortunate today because it was raining. In any case i made it to class which was just another few hours of older people telling younger people how much more they know than them, and why it is imortant that we as young people try to attain there great wisdom. I think thats fairly standard of a first day of classes at any level of teaching anywhere in the world. After struggling through the red tape of actually paying the university I wearily made my way home to cook and eat. The rest of my night consisted of attempting to learn how to play my guitar (the best christmas present i ever got), and watching the sugar bowl which turned out bitter for VT. Now that i have nearly completed my first ever "Blog" I am off to have a quiet time and sleep for a few hours before I wake to try again. If anyone makes it through all of this i congradulate you, and I would love to get feedback that would be an enormous encouragement.

In Him
Matt